Work: Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen...

By sarad206 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41366

You deserved it

3815

Favorite

Work

There's no helping some people

Dementia or hate? You decide

Drunken antics

By fashionVictim - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44557

You deserved it

12948

Favorite

By moose - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12116

You deserved it

2845

Favorite

By Ryuga - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60697

You deserved it

5121

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1819

You deserved it

794

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39744

You deserved it

4112

Favorite

By mommy_issues - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52053

You deserved it

4513

Favorite

By ouch - Australia - Collaroy

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30877

You deserved it

5001

Favorite

By why me?? - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22043

You deserved it

59470

Favorite

By God the smell

Today, my husband had a bad stomach bug and fever. While I was at work, he had diarrhoea but couldn't make it to the toilet so he went in the bin next to his desk, crawled back into bed, and passed out. It sat there in this heatwave for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2979

You deserved it

274

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34185

You deserved it

7287

Favorite

By Michigan - United States

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26648

You deserved it

4848

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23722

You deserved it

1677

Favorite

By Courtney - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22265

You deserved it

6029

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34158

You deserved it

3790

Favorite

By prego - United States

Thanks mom, you're the best

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She referred to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergency bedrest by my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69691

You deserved it

4860

Favorite

By Colbasaur - United States

Today, I won an academic award during an assembly. Everyone laughed, followed by booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44285

You deserved it

4961

Favorite

By CorinnenotaplanB

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3672

You deserved it

261

Favorite

By FattestUgliestPerson - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51872

You deserved it

7618

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29545

You deserved it

16789

Favorite

By torny>horny - United States

Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54465

You deserved it

4968

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2049

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Jordan - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28248

You deserved it

3550

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41393

You deserved it

10564

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2020 20:00 - India

Mask off

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1794

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By happymum - Netherlands

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28151

You deserved it

2546

Favorite

By Ljsmitty - United States

Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46221

You deserved it

2880

Favorite

By erianne

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2799

You deserved it

550

Favorite

By HolyyMolyy

Quickie

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13579

You deserved it

1990

Favorite

By elijah - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24714

You deserved it

4130

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Rosa Beach

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45751

You deserved it

4274

Favorite

By whatisthisidonteven - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26867

You deserved it

2600

Favorite

By EwFace - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

56407

You deserved it

8844

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35033

You deserved it

6428

Favorite

By littlekellilee

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3593

You deserved it

350

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57731

You deserved it

8365

Favorite

By drunk - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8235

You deserved it

40782

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31827

You deserved it

2079

Favorite

By black_commet08 - France

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35667

You deserved it

4860

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45795

You deserved it

3180

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45325

You deserved it

2544

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Preposterous | 8

#5863150 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

I find it terrifying that he said "please".

By tacojauns | 45

#5863152 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

Ya that's bullshit, he wouldn't even let you look. FYL

COMMENTS

By OctoDope | 15

#5863147 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:34

Oooh, Kinky.

kinky44 | 28

#5863334 - Thursday 20 February 2014 2:03

You called? Oh no wait, no one ever calls me. . .damn.

xxBFMVAAMIWxx | 18

#5863478 - Thursday 20 February 2014 6:11

Only Beetlejuice can say that

By anormalperson | 25

#5863149 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

sucks for you, bet you heard it as well

By Preposterous | 8

#5863150 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

I find it terrifying that he said "please".

klorehore | 24

#5863270 - Thursday 20 February 2014 0:23

I'm just picturing this insanely lonely old man :(

ThatPlankton | 15

#5863318 - Thursday 20 February 2014 1:35

He must've been Canadian.

Posthuman | 26

#5863329 - Thursday 20 February 2014 1:51

#33 Because all polite old men with no shame in their wrinkly manhood are from Canada, right?

Clay_Pidgeon | 11

#5863342 - Thursday 20 February 2014 2:19

#35. Yes.

OctoDope | 15

#5863401 - Thursday 20 February 2014 3:59

When I grow old I hope to be that confident in my wrinkly old manhood. My balls will sag to my knees but screw it! Lets show the world!

a_wiener_d0g | 15

#5863417 - Thursday 20 February 2014 4:39

#33 there is absolutely no chance of him being Candian, I didn't see the word "Eh" in that entire conversation

By xSkittle | 16

#5863151 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

Aww old people are so cute

By tacojauns | 45

#5863152 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

Ya that's bullshit, he wouldn't even let you look. FYL

Rainhawk94 | 27

#5863186 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:57

Id let op watch, without braking eye contact

CommentModerated | 17

#5863220 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 23:25

Definitely have to have full speed eye contact

tastychickens | 13

#5863852 - Thursday 20 February 2014 16:31

Yeah, most old dudes want everybody to look at it.

By gej12345 | 17

#5863153 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

Aw, he just wanted to be friends!

By MarisaCB | 16

#5863154 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:35

At least your job is exciting!

CheckMyProfile | 17

#5863434 - Thursday 20 February 2014 4:59

I don't cleaning bathrooms is an exciting job!!!!!

By usernamepurp | 8

#5863155 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:36

That "Please stay" is bad enough

123amanda123 | 14

#5864330 - Friday 21 February 2014 3:45

He could have asked for assistance!

By beaverteaser | 16

#5863156 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:36

well atleast he didn't ask you to hold it

HersheySquirts | 17

#5863765 - Thursday 20 February 2014 14:32

Maybe he did. We haven't gotten that far yet.

By thefastnfuryass | 14

#5863157 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 22:36

And they call them the "Golden Years".

AFCCT | 7

#5863255 - Thursday 20 February 2014 0:08

Because once you get old you drink too much and your piss is forever golden

Polynomial | 28

#5863325 - Thursday 20 February 2014 1:45

Actually, he was thinking of a shower, not a year.