Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
domie337 0
Wow your life is so ******. Grow up dumbass
sneezing_unicorn 0
No chance, anyone whos ever used a upc scanner knows it wouldn't pick up a tattoo. let alone the artist getting every line perfectly parallel and the correct width. fake
kayleighcontrol 7
I don't know if #323 is right (they probably are) but this made me laugh nonetheless. What a waste of life.
LittleMiss1 0
Moderated comments are stupid OP:hahahaha FYL
whoahanna 0
Hahahaah this is great. But it could be worse. You could be herpes medication.
staceybbe 0
impossible
CrunkCupcake97 2
ahahaha that's hilarious
Dave11000 0
I call BullShit!
kpearsall 0
Ehhh, sounds fake. I have a barcode tattoo and it doesn't scan. I've seen them on other people and have asked if theirs scan, no. It's too difficult for a tattoo artist to get the lines a precise enough width for them to scan properly. It's possibly, especially if it's a very very large tattoo (like tramp stamp sized), but I've never even heard of a barcode tat that scans. Not to mention if you got the UPC of that claw hammer tattooed on you, you MUST have known the barcode already. UPC/EAN codes are actually registered, hello! http://www.upcdatabase.com/item/04965802
I_am_Lathan 0
I know a (really talented) tattoo artist who got so sick of people coming in asking for barcode tattoos that he started making "douche" barcodes XD They were original the first couple dozen times, but after everyone and their mother started getting them.......