Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, while moving a couch and repeatedly asking my dad what he was trying to do and him ignoring me, I got my hand slammed between the corner of the couch and a doorway, because my dad shoved the couch without saying anything. I was holding the corner to stop it from falling on me. FML
Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML
Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, while I was sleeping on the sofa, my sister yelled right in my ear, "Attention on deck !" I jumped up so fast because I thought a superior officer had just walked in that I tripped over my own feet and smashed into our mom's glass fronted display case full of porcelain. FML
Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML
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Top comments
HowDidIGetHere 0
Time to get a new dad...
you_failed 15
Ouchies! But now you know what to do when he's taking a nap... :D
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Comments (89)
pita2423 10
I would have punched him, my family knows better than to do that to me bc I sleep with a knife under my pillow and my hand next to it.