Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

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Taking stock

Jealousy

Stalker vibes

By MJ3105 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

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By SierraDiaz2097 - United States - Vardaman

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

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By brizzle - United States

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

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By wrong state for that shit - 22/8/2020 04:48 - United States - Hesperia

Weird accusation, lady

Today, my uncle’s girlfriend’s paranoid jealousy hit a new low. I woke up to several nasty, threatening texts from her, accusing me of sleeping with my own uncle. According to her, no uncle and niece could possibly be as close as he and I are without something freaky going on. I really hate her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

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By wheelmaker

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

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By gullible - United States

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

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By idontwanttoknow - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

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By creepingjennie - 5/6/2020 02:00

Droopy

Today, I learned that working while taking muscle relaxers is not as fun as it sounds. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

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By Cinnamon - Jamaica

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

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By jdawn99 - United States - Arkansas City

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

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By scaredy cat - 9/8/2020 14:02

Wuss

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML

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By JRock - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

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By Mr.Hoof-In-Mouth

Today, I was talking to a customer needing IT help. I make small talk about how my birthday is on the same day the Boy Scouts were formed, and I tell the customer I am sure something interesting happened on his birthday. He gets quiet, then gives his birthday. September11th. Cue the long silence. FML

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By candie - United States

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

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By Kevin

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML

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By preggers - Canada

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

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By BurnBabyBurn - United States - Roberta

Today, after stopping to pick up dinner at a fast food joint, I got a nosebleed. I immediately reached into the bag to grab napkins and began stuffing them up my nose, only to find out too late that a mustard packet had burst in the bag. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

A for effort

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

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By xxmollyxx - Sweden

Today, I dropped my remote behind the bed and went to reach for it. Instead of the remote, I grabbed hold of a rat carcass that must have got in when builders were working in my bathroom several weeks ago. FML

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By hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

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By neilmalik - United States - Murrieta

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

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By jack - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

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By Username - Korea Republic of

Today, I was sitting on the porch of my apartment when my drunk upstairs neighbour decided to take a piss. I got my first golden shower. FML

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By annoyed

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

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By ted_the_interpreter - 22/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Corona

Masked Singer

Today, I was in a video conference with my coworkers. They started arguing so much that I decided to turn off my video and started chanting ,"Let it be over, let it be over... Let me go!" The boss finally stoped everybody to comment, "We can hear you." I hadn't turned my mic off. FML

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By roostergirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 23:00

Sibling rivalry

Today, I found out my dad gets my younger brother a Big Gulp from 7/11 every time he mows the yard. I mowed for three years straight and never got anything. FML

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By Eliana - 6/5/2021 14:01

Burning up

Today, my left eye is bright red and painful. Also, I have pimples all over my genitals. Spoiler alert: it's herpes. The eye? A bacterial eye infection. Welcome to a week of pain. FML

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By Crappit - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

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By kolgate - United States

The gays

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

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By Toothy. - Australia

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

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Top comments

By CallMeHush | 0

#879613 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:11

Holy Moley!!!

By greeneyedgoalie7 | 0

#879565 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:05

oooh ouch why would he do that?

COMMENTS

By demon1k | 0

#879561 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:05

That's fuckin disgusting. YDI for not getting your huge nasty hairy mole removed.

Reply

GR3453m0nk3y | 4

#879573 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:06

yea im trying to eat
i dont want to hear about that

thats fucking disgusting

Reply

reyemrein | 0

#879592 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:08

Florida State Motto: No Fat Chicks.

Reply

Horney4her69 | 0

#879634 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:16

who said fat? but that mole is nauseating.

Reply

shix | 0

#879738 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:47

I feel sick loll FYL

Reply

erinelizabeth201 | 0

#879766 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:57

who the fuck said she was fat? I don hijkbit was anywhere in her thing. nope. so your a dumb shit.

Reply

soinmagic | 0

#879912 - Sunday 21 February 2010 21:45

Then why did you read it? No one forced you so dont complain. ;D

Reply

CallMeHush | 0

#879974 - Sunday 21 February 2010 22:18

I did but I also thought about them when I read about the splinter in the guy's ass for some reason.

Reply

comatoast | 0

#879988 - Sunday 21 February 2010 22:27

That's fucking disgusting! Ugh........I just threw up in my mouth a little

Reply

aDerangedStateOf | 0

#880283 - Monday 22 February 2010 0:41

Sexy.....

Reply

nolasaints | 0

#881001 - Monday 22 February 2010 4:27

gag

Reply

thatonegirl2012 | 0

#881167 - Monday 22 February 2010 5:16

lmao

Reply

jamieeeee | 0

#881311 - Monday 22 February 2010 6:07

baby barfed..

Reply

harryman04 | 0

#881407 - Monday 22 February 2010 6:51

32 = win

Reply

bfffness | 0

#881797 - Monday 22 February 2010 9:57

those are the exact words I was gonna put on here... including "fuckin"... and the BF is fuckin disgusting too for yanking on that shit.

Reply

omg_thats_funny | 0

#884599 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 7:09

fucking ewww. nasty mole person.

Reply

dreamer2526 | 0

#965458 - Sunday 21 March 2010 2:44

at 113... you're an idiot. moles are very very common. grow up.

Reply

michellez | 5

#1014939 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 12:04

ha that was funnier than the fml

By greeneyedgoalie7 | 0

#879565 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:05

oooh ouch why would he do that?

Reply

Lethario14 | 0

#879745 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:50

4 real!!

Reply

JojoChuo | 8

#2375788 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 4:19

I swear "mole hairs" are plugs in disguise D:

Reply

eastside1313 | 5

#2996819 - Friday 29 July 2011 23:24

seriously how the f*ck is that romantic

Reply

emba_fml | 13

#4010479 - Wednesday 8 February 2012 22:11

I like to assume it was an accident so I'm not as grossed out

Reply

ToTheThighs | 6

#6160842 - Friday 2 January 2015 17:11

Simply grooming I suppose. My girlfriend and I pull out each other's ingrown hairs and such and it's pretty cute

Reply

DedeleMan | 21

#6228556 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 7:48

I don't see how that's cute...

By WinglessAngel_fml | 0

#879570 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:06

that's crazy

By NeonWar__ | 0

#879583 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:07

you'd better get that checked!

By RaWriTbEkElliE | 0

#879599 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:09

dats disgusting..

By LemonMan | 0

#879603 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:10

If all he noticed was your mole than he must be gay.

Reply

Shadow14l | 0

#879860 - Sunday 21 February 2010 21:26

#8 Everyone in the keys is gay...

By CallMeHush | 0

#879613 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:11

Holy Moley!!!

Reply

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#879627 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:15

I read it that way at first glance, too. I was going to say YDI whatever happened!

Reply

ezrl_ritvoi | 0

#879630 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:15

^this^

Reply

mariahrawks | 0

#879674 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:26

@9 lmao.
that's greeeeat.

ew, Get your mole removed!

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#879677 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:28

I saw the same exact thing.

It must be the mushrooms.

Reply

silentfog | 0

#879763 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:57

I kept reading kanye west

Reply

purplemnm | 9

#880275 - Monday 22 February 2010 0:40

kanye wests gf is Jack daniels, so explain how a bottle of whiskey can post on fml!

Reply

xHabsfanx | 0

#881638 - Monday 22 February 2010 8:37

No Kanye is a gay fish... lol sorry after seeing that south park spoof of him, that's the only thing that comes to mind when I hear his name...
and to the OP, get that thing checked.

Reply

purplemnm | 9

#895357 - Friday 26 February 2010 23:42

98 does that mean he posted the fml about the fish face after orgasming?

By Tootsiee | 0

#879615 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:12

Key West? that's gay-city .. I live in Miami .. I know :)

Reply

melonkelly | 0

#879638 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:17

that's what I hear too!

I'm in Orlando

Reply

katiebabe93 | 0

#879643 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:18

Miami is by far better haha but that sucks about your mole sorry but still this is so gross but I still lmfao

By raithex | 0

#879625 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:14

That's seriously disgusting. I was almost sick when I read this.
This is a really weird FML. I mean, it just seems like something most people wouldn't have put on a public website/iPod touch and iPhone app. But that's my opinion.

By sam_hates_ham | 0

#879636 - Sunday 21 February 2010 20:16

just as I was about to take a bite out of my plain mcdonalds chicken wrap