Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught... - FML

By Embarassed - 24/8/2011 02:44 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

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Trip Advisor says no

Inspirational tale

Recycling helps

By dumbwifehappylife - 12/2/2014 01:37 - United States - Woodbine

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

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By Lewis - 4/9/2010 11:02 - Australia

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

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By OldHabitsDieHard - 18/9/2013 14:53 - United States - Erie

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2016 10:39 - United States - Lemon Grove

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

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By Promo girl - 22/1/2009 22:35 - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

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By adjk90 - 16/12/2010 17:06 - United States

Today, I was helping a customer when she asked if we were open on Christmas eve. I wasn't sure, so I asked my manager. My manager looked me over and said, "Yes, we will be open. Thank you for volunteering to come in." FML

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By Gloria Lovestar - 3/10/2019 20:00

All over the place

Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML

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By grreeatttt - 31/1/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him around two minutes after that, and he had already fallen asleep. FML

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By iheartmorons - 14/1/2012 14:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML

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By danmarino - 9/3/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when I got home. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

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By macattack - 2/9/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

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By fmlsrsly - 25/3/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

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By sexisntfun - 30/3/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

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By shadowednavi - 26/4/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

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By walkingdictionary - 18/1/2013 02:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 01:30 - Canada

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

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By trash80 - 21/2/2018 19:00

This is why we shop online!

Today, while checking out at Target, I had the choice of standing behind one lady or a long line. Naturally, I chose the former. Half an hour later, the long line had completely passed, and I was still standing behind the lady, who was now arguing with the cashier. FML

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By Pissy - 23/5/2019 06:05

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

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By ThisPerson - 19/5/2011 10:11 - Canada

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

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By ohgod... - 2/4/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

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By IEatDammit - 30/1/2009 03:26 - Canada

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

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By ihatepokemon - 22/7/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

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By Conspiratea - 1/7/2018 19:00

Today, I'm in the hospital for a broken hip and cerebral hemorrhage, bedridden with a continuous headache. My roommate has dementia and shouts and cries all day about a hospital conspiracy where everybody is drinking tea all the time except her. This will be a long month. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

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By still hungry - 21/4/2012 13:04 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML

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By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

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By sadman - 5/2/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

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By samaris - 8/7/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

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By catlady5569 - 27/8/2009 08:13 - United States

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

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By Username - 17/3/2010 00:46 - France

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

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By WearingOff - 3/8/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2018 01:30

Today, I found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I got on Facebook to message my baby daddy, but was stopped in my tracks by his mugshot plastered all over my news feed for an alleged meth distribution investigation. He was already on parole. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2013 05:14 - United States - Asheboro

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2016 09:15 - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

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By Broken Leg, Broken Job - 10/5/2018 01:30

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

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By gimpy - 4/1/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

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Top comments

By Dalliance | 4

#3171854 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:47

At least you don't give off an immediate vibe of douchey-ness if he didn't even know it was you.

By ihasbrains | 10

#3171870 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:49

At least he refused to believe you :)

COMMENTS

By TrixER | 6

#3171845 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:47

Umm hi?

Reply

nastenka_fml | 0

#3171849 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:47

hello

By Italiae | 7

#3171851 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:47

Wow that blows...FYL

Reply

Keyman1212 | 14

#3171908 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:52

I'd just like to point out that because he didn't automatically assume it was you, that your personality isn't actually that bad!

Reply

uncleyuggles | 0

#3171912 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:53

" yea his ex was a fucking psycho!"
"umm, I'm that 'fucking psycho'"

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3171987 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 9:04

Sounds like you found your soulmate OP
Should've asked him out, and then one day your ex will reveal to him that he's dating that pyscho bitch

Reply

Zya_fml | 8

#3172018 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 9:08

Did he mention how you faked orgasms?!

Reply

SunnyUserName123 | 5

#3172159 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 9:29

She did say something, he didn't believe her.

Reply

NTimmy | 2

#3173342 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:32

Maybe when he meant fuking insane he meant as in hot, some guys do that

Reply

Iamaninchworm | 0

#3184122 - Friday 26 August 2011 22:10

Huh, I don't get it...
Why's this fml? I thought it was common knowledge that ALL women are totally and irrefutably mad...

By Dalliance | 4

#3171854 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:47

At least you don't give off an immediate vibe of douchey-ness if he didn't even know it was you.

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3172275 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 9:59

Or the bf gave a completely exaggerated description of her

Reply

loserman67 | 35

#3173216 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 14:56

Sounds like she gives off a "You'll learn to be frightened of me" vibe.....very slowly

By penelopecruise | 2

#3171862 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:47

Work on your personality maybe you wouldnt be his ex

Reply

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#3172440 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 11:12

Wow that's just a tad judgmental, don't you think?? You have no idea what the circumstances of their breakup were.

Reply

Tennispro349 | 2

#3176628 - Thursday 25 August 2011 9:22

Can't tell if troll or just stupid

By astonmartin007 | 4

#3171864 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:48

That's fucking hilarious!

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3175765 - Thursday 25 August 2011 4:34

So is your pic, sir.

Reply

astonmartin007 | 4

#3214323 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 23:19

Sorry I changed it

By loveekaren16 | 0

#3171865 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:48

Talk about having a bad memory..

By ihasbrains | 10

#3171870 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:49

At least he refused to believe you :)

By thatnucca | 36

#3171875 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:49

Well, was he right though?

By BrittanyB94 | 0

#3171889 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:50

Hhhhmmm, not good

By enonymous | 8

#3171899 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 8:51

Sounds like he was doing play by play of your love life... Wish I was there

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3172178 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 9:35

Psh, it'd be like NASCAR

"And he pulls it out and... wow! Look at him stick in there. He really knows what he's doing! And it looks like he's pulling it out once again, what will happen next!?"

Reply

hypuuurness | 6

#3172261 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 9:56

lmfaaaaoo!

Reply

enonymous | 8

#3173607 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 16:21

SOTY I don't need the detail of your love life. Especially a NASCAR reference but it's nice to know you only can make left hand turns, your condoms are sponsored by coke and hit the wall

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3174250 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 19:07

Lol, what?