Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage." When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
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Top comments
4Legend 0
Well I'd come out to watch too, I mean who do those worms think they are!? The nerve...
incognito1520 20
Am I the only one who pictured the mom in a robe and curlers while smoking? It makes her seem even crazier if you do.
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Comments (135)
incognito1520 20
Am I the only one who pictured the mom in a robe and curlers while smoking? It makes her seem even crazier if you do.
victoria114 6
Omg thats exactly what i thought LOL
BlackCloudedSldr 5
You're not the only one. I picture a mid forties woman in a loosened robe and large hair rollers, walking around in dirty used-to-be cozy slippers, shaking the morning newspaper at the worms, vein popping teeth baring eye bulging, stiff legged saggy waving breasted senile woman, unloading massive amounts of years of built up stress and anger only to walk back to her house afterwards calmly. Sadly I see no cigarette, in my mind if you're that stressed you would smoke one rather than yell at worms.
fmlover24680 2
Wow something tells me u may have seen this first hand to be that descriptive lol
kimmi41509 10
The mental image of this is actually ******* hilarious. You should have recorded it and put it on youtube.
JoeLouisBomber 9
Is it bad that i read youtube as redtube?
kimmi41509 10
Hahaha...a porno with worms? Awesome!
21jason 9
Damn worms get off my lawn!!!
awwwyeah_png 4
I can't help it but I now constantly think of the redneck scene from South Park where they constantly yell "They're stealing our jobs!!!11one1!!"
amypatel21 2
That story seemed embarrassing but funny!!:)
bigtaytay 13
Is your mom on any of the following: A. Crack B. Cocaine C. Heroine D. All of the above E. All of the above...plus more
kimmi41509 10
E
sweetdreams20 0
#22 agreed
docscientist 10
F. Menopausal
THE_A_TEEN 28
G. A total bitch by nature while on all the drugs she can get from your local drug cartel.
sweetdreams20 0
Does your mom sit in a rocking chair on your front porch holding a rifle with millions of cats?
RedPillSucks 33
How the hell do millions of cats fit on/in a rifle?
sweetdreams20 0
Lmao didn't notice that...., magic
macdaddymady 8
That had to be awkward.
DalPozzo13 10
That's pretty damn funny
rdwhite1986 0
Your mom is hilarious
DrMime 10
I did the same thing with garden gnomes! I swore they were moving when my back was turned (o.0)...
sabrinarock33 0
So very creepy
wittygirl 8
I guess you live in the hotel of the shining movie.
cassie13091 10
Makes me think of the 'Gnomeo and Juliet' movie