Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked...

By Banana_Lord - 3/3/2015 10:41 - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Creepy

Clocked

By Anonymous - 5/8/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Rubbing one out on the sly

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

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By anon - 25/12/2014 20:20 - United States - Irwin

Today, a very drunk woman at the family Christmas party told me she felt terrible that I don't have a mother who cares about me. She is my mother. FML

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By popcorn - 27/4/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

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By What did I do wrong? - 4/9/2018 18:30 - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

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By ohman - 2/10/2010 06:28 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

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By ltwlty - 20/9/2016 07:07 - China - Beijing

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

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By Sarah220 - 12/7/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 17:25 - Latvia - Aluksne

Today, two days before I'm due to fly out to Russia on my first vacation, I caught my extremely over-protective mother trying to force the family dog to eat my passport. FML

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By Riskreh - 23/9/2009 11:10 - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

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By owie - 29/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML

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By soundbox - 27/1/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2018 17:30

Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML

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By kill me - 31/1/2009 15:30 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

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By Samantha - 16/8/2012 22:36 - United States - Holt

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

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By whitey - 9/1/2011 11:11 - Australia

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

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By bleeding - 6/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

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By beenawhile - 20/9/2019 04:03 - United States - Boston

Fair point

Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML

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By G - 8/10/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

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By GeesLouisee - 1/5/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

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By got to be kidding me - 2/5/2019 14:00 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML

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By anon - 16/2/2014 12:56 - Australia - Kingston

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

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By klutz - 15/12/2016 15:41 - United States - Woburn

Today, I broke my fifth bone in three years. While I'd like say that they've all been scary, athletic injuries, most have been from attempting to do things as mundane as walking. FML

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By Pouya - 18/12/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

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By enya - 18/1/2016 22:29 - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

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By laurwitharawr - 6/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

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By GonnaGetFired - 31/3/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

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By quarantine hell - 31/3/2020 17:00

Quid pro quo

Today, I called my sister and asked if she could watch my baby while I went to the store for desperately needed groceries and supplies. She refused, despite the fact that she's randomly dropped off her three rambunctious boys more times than I could count so she could go clubbing. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 20:26 - Canada - Poplar Hill

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

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By Headless - 29/5/2015 13:04 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

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By Anon - 5/1/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

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By FishStampede - 16/5/2009 12:11 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was refereeing at a kids' soccer tournament and a deer ran across one of the fields. Some of the parents then claimed that a deer on the field meant a free kick. FML

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By anonymous - 12/2/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

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By Professional - 29/5/2017 14:00

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

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By sad - 24/4/2009 08:18 - United States

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

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By confused - 4/2/2010 16:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years spent a whole hour making me promise that if he ever died, I would never try to find someone else. FML

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Top comments

By tbro47 | 23

#6220305 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Follow the rainbow, pick up your new pot of gold and call things even.

By TheGolfGTI | 24

#6220306 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Well at least you got to where you were going, weather you liked it or not.

COMMENTS

By CallMeWindSock | 24

#6220301 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:29

Go outside and enjoy the rainbow!

FracturedMinds | 21

#6220336 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:57

Enjoy the rainbow, taste the rainbow.

doctorhook86 | 24

#6220338 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:01

#20: Or in the OP's case, "Resent the rainbow, taste the rainbow."

Tailored | 15

#6222840 - Friday 6 March 2015 6:47

Skittles

By ThirteenThirteen | 27

#6220302 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:30

Good God, that sucks.

stingray112 | 24

#6220463 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 19:33

Yep walked through some rain for 20 whole minutes. Your life must be forever changed.

cassie6613 | 3

#6220678 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 23:35

36 have you ever been hit by hailstones? No? Then sit down, shut up, and stop being an ass. Thank you :)

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6220788 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 1:20

Mother Nature being an asshole...

By mimi_animee | 18

#6220303 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:30

if you went back outside and the weather turned awful again, its just you.

but that's pretty funny sorry OP!

By tbro47 | 23

#6220305 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Follow the rainbow, pick up your new pot of gold and call things even.

tbro47 | 23

#6220341 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:04

And don't forget to kick the leprechaun in the balls on your way out for good luck.

wildgenius | 13

#6220366 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:33

I don't think this comment was funny enough for a follow up comment. .just my opinion.

tbro47 | 23

#6220378 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:45

The followup was because my original comment timed out before I could tack it on. It was funny to me. Can't please everyone.

lnheritance | 19

#6220382 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:50

"Enjoy the rainbow, taste the rainbow." At least until you step back outside and a blizzard befalls upon you.

By TheGolfGTI | 24

#6220306 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Well at least you got to where you were going, weather you liked it or not.

lucyisbae | 18

#6221887 - Thursday 5 March 2015 4:54

Good god that was beautiful

By thatonetribute | 31

#6220307 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Just one of those days, huh?

By Gunny20 | 25

#6220308 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:33

You should've walked inside earlier. At least the walk back will be better.

By ajs1987 | 15

#6220309 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:33

You're in the UK. When I lived there, the weather in April was probably the most beautiful weather I've ever experienced. Hang on for just one more month.