Miscellaneous: Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked...

By Banana_Lord - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

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Miscellaneous

Triage

Reliable

Supply and demand

By nothungry - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML

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By Icy

Lost

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on MSN when her roommate answered, "Sorry, this isn't Marie, she's at her boyfriend’s." Really? I've looked everywhere in my apartment, and I can’t find her. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

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By Pakundo - France

Today, I went to an underwear shop, and an employee recommended me a push-up bra. I was wearing one. FML

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By wtf - 20/2/2021 05:01

Polyamory is complicated

Today, I had amazing sex with my new boyfriend. Later, my husband told me I'd betrayed him, even though he had told me it was okay, because he heard it. I’ve been forced to hear to him through the thin walls of our house, having sex with my ex, for almost a year. FML

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By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

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By thetalkingvagina - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

The art of seduction

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

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By flyingpuppy - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

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By Alex - United States

Today, I decided to ride my bike to the bus stop to go to school. I wasn't even half way and the last bus had already left. I figured I would loop around instead of going back the way I came and ended up riding 16 miles before I got home. FML

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By BFons - United States - Newark

Today, my wife and I are about to move across the country when the landlord for our new house called and said a water line busted and flooded the house. The movers are coming tomorrow. FML

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By Hayley

Bad Luck Brian

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

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By holla1787 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

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36445

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By Ouch - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

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57487

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By theyre not THAT big. - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

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By A continent away - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

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By Mazzam - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she bought for me. I said joking: "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

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By cc - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I worked a full day and then went to a three-hour class. I got home at 9 PM, and before the door closed I heard, "There's a sink full of dishes for you." There are three able-bodied men in the house, all of whom got here hours ago and created that sink full of dishes. FML

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By ohshootgirl - United States

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

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By poop_mcqueen - United States

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

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By dpod121 - United States

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

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By Hatemyjobbb

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

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By wow - United States

Industrial logs

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

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By Dumbdumb - United States

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

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By oopsie - Canada

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

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By noway6000 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

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By "Audrey Harmon"

Today, my sister tackled me by the leg in a game of frisbee. I now know the unique sensation of a knee dislocating. It is not a beautiful one. FML

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By FD4

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

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By Shaving it off

Today, when I showed someone my 9-year old passport, she commented, “you look so different! Now you have that Jason Statham thing going on!” My hair goes down to my shoulders; this confirms my receding hairline is real and it’s time to come to grips. At least I’m over 30. FML

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By bitchypast - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

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By ashley_skillz06 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

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By Doglover

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

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Top comments

By tbro47 | 23

#6220305 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Follow the rainbow, pick up your new pot of gold and call things even.

By TheGolfGTI | 24

#6220306 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Well at least you got to where you were going, weather you liked it or not.

COMMENTS

By CallMeWindSock | 24

#6220301 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:29

Go outside and enjoy the rainbow!

FracturedMinds | 21

#6220336 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:57

Enjoy the rainbow, taste the rainbow.

doctorhook86 | 24

#6220338 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:01

#20: Or in the OP's case, "Resent the rainbow, taste the rainbow."

Tailored | 15

#6222840 - Friday 6 March 2015 6:47

Skittles

By ThirteenThirteen | 27

#6220302 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:30

Good God, that sucks.

stingray112 | 24

#6220463 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 19:33

Yep walked through some rain for 20 whole minutes. Your life must be forever changed.

cassie6613 | 3

#6220678 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 23:35

36 have you ever been hit by hailstones? No? Then sit down, shut up, and stop being an ass. Thank you :)

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6220788 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 1:20

Mother Nature being an asshole...

By mimi_animee | 18

#6220303 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:30

if you went back outside and the weather turned awful again, its just you.

but that's pretty funny sorry OP!

By tbro47 | 23

#6220305 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Follow the rainbow, pick up your new pot of gold and call things even.

tbro47 | 23

#6220341 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:04

And don't forget to kick the leprechaun in the balls on your way out for good luck.

wildgenius | 13

#6220366 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:33

I don't think this comment was funny enough for a follow up comment. .just my opinion.

tbro47 | 23

#6220378 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:45

The followup was because my original comment timed out before I could tack it on. It was funny to me. Can't please everyone.

lnheritance | 19

#6220382 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 18:50

"Enjoy the rainbow, taste the rainbow." At least until you step back outside and a blizzard befalls upon you.

By TheGolfGTI | 24

#6220306 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Well at least you got to where you were going, weather you liked it or not.

lucyisbae | 18

#6221887 - Thursday 5 March 2015 4:54

Good god that was beautiful

By thatonetribute | 31

#6220307 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:31

Just one of those days, huh?

By Gunny20 | 25

#6220308 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:33

You should've walked inside earlier. At least the walk back will be better.

By ajs1987 | 15

#6220309 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:33

You're in the UK. When I lived there, the weather in April was probably the most beautiful weather I've ever experienced. Hang on for just one more month.