Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
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Top comments
H4H 15
This is the one FML where I can say congrats and sorry at the same time
lui_pg 21
Incoming shitty shituation puns
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Comments (35)
james_logan 19
A situation where you can be happy and sad at the same time. Reminds me of a joke about a husband telling his wife that you can never be happy and sad at the same time. The wife replied, "Out of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
KayDee29 31
I feel your pain, OP. I had to take the highest dose of Percocets allowed, two pills at a time, just to feel normal enough to breathe when I had kidney stones and one got stuck. I was so constipated that when I finally went (20 minutes before I had to leave for surgery to remove said stone), I was so relieved that I ended up pushing too hard and I tore the skin around the hole in my bottom. It sucked so bad, but the relief basically let me forget. Anyways, that was my life back in February.
ThrottleJockey 36
Good lord woman!
ER1C_fml 22
J'ai pitié de toi! xD MDR!
saffy66 34
That 'diarrhoea' may just be overflow - I'm sure you know this already but if you can, eat lots of high fibre food and drink plenty of water and warm drinks. Exercise can help too, like walking. All good to avoid constipation, which if untreated can lead to all sorts of nasty problems in the future.
saffy66 34
That 'diarrhoea' may just be overflow - I'm sure you know this already but if you can, eat lots of high fibre food and drink plenty of water and warm drinks. Exercise can help too, like walking. All good to avoid constipation, which if untreated can lead to all sorts of nasty problems in the future.
militarybrat 21
Please don't let it get that far again. I once went over two weeks, went toxic and vomited stomach acid. Yes it is neon green and YES it hurts. Colace every day if you need to.
trucker2 33
That rumble clearly showed up on seismograph
SixthSinEnvy 39
Next time you're THAT constipated, eat a Fiber One bar. I swear you won't be able to LEAVE the bathroom, let alone the house.
medstudentlife 6
That sounds like overflow diarrhoea. You should go to your doctor.
fl0wcr3atur3 5
This was literally me this yesterday. I feel your pain