Health: Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually... - FML

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 856

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Same thing different taste

Pushing the envelope

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 04:00

Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 172

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 498

You deserved it 8 796

Plumbing issues

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 04:01 - Denmark - Viby

Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 72

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 92

Don't move

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 69

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 330

You deserved it 441

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 77

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 84

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 145

By jack - 27/08/2015 10:56 - United Kingdom - London

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 157

You deserved it 2 423

Next

Top comments

H4H 15

Thursday 2 June 2016 1:16

This is the one FML where I can say congrats and sorry at the same time

lui_pg 21

Thursday 2 June 2016 1:02

Incoming shitty shituation puns

Comments

maybeadream 9

Saturday 4 June 2016 0:15

Ok so I learned from personal experience that you can still be constipated even if you have a lot of diarrhea. It just had to become diarrhea in order to get around the hard stuff in your intestines. I'm finally better but I really am going to recommend going to a doctor!! Wishing you the best Op!

erinshea 8

Saturday 4 June 2016 5:27

Eat chia seeds

Italix_Quan 1

Monday 6 June 2016 19:47

What a crappy situation! OK, OK, I understand! Everybody hates me now, blah, blah, blah.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 250

You deserved it 7 781

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 106

The Top

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 954

You deserved it 3 081

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 465

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 758

You deserved it 779

Today, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after being severely bullied and harassed at my workplace. It was also today that my fiancée told me I was “creating really negative vibes.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 159

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 126

You deserved it 5 246

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 114