Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
"Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching...." YDI.
shostakovich 0
Hmm... I wonder whose fault this is?
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Comments (87)
oxrox 0
Are you stupid?
regalarius 0
Wait, not only are you trying to impress a girl by punching something, you're trying to impress her by punching through *drywall?* "Hey, babe, look how tough I am - I can break this DRYWALL in half!" What next, are you gonna show her how strong you are by being able to stand up and support your own weight on your legs? Anyone can break through a thin piece of drywall!
Intoxicunt 6
To those of you who say, "Why are you still trying to impress her?" I say, "You're stupid." You are supposed to keep impressing and re-attracting your significant other, so they don't get bored and look for someone else. Just like sometimes (hopefully) she dresses up and does whatever it is you like, you should impress her so she remembers why she's with you. What you did was more like reminding her she was drunk when she decided to date you.
plexico 4
She'll certainly want to marry you because domestic violence from you would probably tickle. Your bitch-slap is like a limp handshake.
Intoxicunt 6
Lol. Nice one. Too bad that isn't the only thing that would merely tickle, when it was meant to cause a more intense sensation.
DeathShad0 1
That's why you don't try to impress. YDI
mastory96 0
haha. suckerrrrrrr. you totally deserved that. :)
f0rg3t_m3_n0t 0
"W-w-what's the matter fellas? Are you ninjas or p-*******?" ~~ Jimmy
log1k 3
A complete and utter douchebag.. besides, I wouldn't be surprised if you you couldn't even punch through a regular piece of drywall, as weak as it may seem, its pretty durable.
SookMauNoots 0
ydi for not telling drywall and conreet tosdyther
Holy_Crap_A_Wolf 0
Your retarded.... If authors wrote like people like you talked and typed then..... AsafadGASGH{{Ggd. See??
cheapskatepunk 0
That sucks but it still sooooo funny