Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
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Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, a coworker invited me out for a date, totally out of the blue. I had no idea she liked me, but I did my best to impress. She ordered the most expensive steak on the menu, two bottles of wine, and eventually picked up and went home with our waiter. I got the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
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Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
Lol, that sounds beautiful and romantic.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
In some cultures, vomiting on your food is considered respectable and a sign of favor in the locals' eyes.
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Comments (128)
jonny2x4 0
She pukes in her food and then frenches you afterward? Where's the FML here? I see a winwinwin.
justanotherhuman 21
^ two years later and this comment still makes me straight-up guffaw... so delicious. pro.
deaditegirl 0
YDI for ordering for her without even asking her preferences.
misspeg 0
can anyone tell me where this magical place that is Olive Garden is located? it seems quite popular on fml. I would love to go...and quit whinging OP. u got a french kiss from a gorgeous girl.
Eelusive 0
YDI for going to olive garden.
dalsegno 0
Agreed. No wonder she puked!
thesunshotme 0
oh yeah #20, one glass of wine would have totally been enough to "lube her up". e_e Who the hell throws up after one glass of wine? I'm sure, as an adult, she's familiar with her alcohol tolerance, and should have turned down the wine. People have wine with their meals all the time.
perdix 31
Actually, I don't believe one glass of wine will make a person drunk in reality. I have met some girls who have used one glass of wine as an excuse to do horrible, horrible, wonderful things and claim they were "so drunk!" I had to hog-tie the little scientist in me that was yearning to call "bullshit" at the claim of inebriation.
Torv 0
I agree with #15. She could have just walked out in embarassment. Maybe she actually likes you. Also I'm sure she didn't hurl and just go straight to kissing you. My 2c
escualida 0
YDI for taking your date to the Olive Garden to try to be super romantic
asnider 0
Exactly what I was thinking.
artisticlicense 0
At least she kissed you. :)
bsr414 0
What sort of backward place do live in where you take a "gorgeous" girl to Olive Garden? There are no real restaurants in your town?
ragsy 7
Are you sure she didn't have a seizure? Lots of drama at Olive Garden today.
ZeroZenX 0
Psh, she kissed you and drank wine even though she apparently wasn't a fan, looks like you have a gorgeous new girlfriend that doesn't like wine. How is that an issue?
mmedeiros14 0
well its an issue if op wants to get her drunk
smurfsarwales 9
there are other ways to get drunk