Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML
Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Top comments
Sandsh8rk 36
That's gotta stink.
Retrokitty 9
*shivers*
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Comments (67)
TooFuckinFunny 3
I would've been ****** traumatized.
Sputnikspak 13
This is why squish first, then flush.
ITxCExLxS 6
NOPE! NOPENOPENOPENOPE!
why57why 21
NopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNope
starw0lf 31
Poor OP, we have those awful stink bugs here too, they get into even new houses in the fall. It's difficult to describe the smell they make when squished, but it's strong and kind of like rotted wet lawn clippings. Now I know not to try to flush them!
SauronsCataract 15
These insects are completely harmless. Next time just take a glass and a piece of paper and release the bug outside.
lando2112 2
That's a stinky situation
AgentPlatypus73 8
Hey now, Hey no-ow. This is what nightmares are made of.
martin8337 36
Next time double flush.