Transportation: Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try...

By anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 898

You deserved it 3 555

Transportation

Mama's boy

Sorry…

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By psychicmother - 09/09/2011 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 464

You deserved it 4 824

By Husband - 13/03/2017 18:00

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 358

You deserved it 872

My Bucket

By pyook - 06/09/2018 23:30

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 457

You deserved it 183

By fleatitting fame - 04/07/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 864

You deserved it 3 776

By meh - 26/05/2015 05:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 526

You deserved it 2 236

By Fabio - 29/07/2016 00:13 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 955

You deserved it 19 871

By IDon't - 13/10/2013 10:49 - Australia - Berkeley Vale

Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 468

You deserved it 3 709

Fashion Police

By asshole - 29/04/2020 20:00

Today, I called a company to see why the dress I’d ordered for my best friend hadn’t been delivered. After doing some digging and ruining the surprise, it turns out it had been. Her boyfriend opened the package, deemed the dress "too slutty" and threw it out. He refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 337

You deserved it 208

By thanks sis - 22/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Reading

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 676

You deserved it 3 943

Estranged

By freamly - 16/03/2021 17:01

Today, I called my mother to tell her about my terminal cancer diagnosis. She responded with, "What makes you think I care at all?" before hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 58

By nomorexbox - 26/04/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 13 429

By Anonymous - 24/04/2014 15:35 - United Kingdom - Montrose

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 164

You deserved it 3 405

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 20:58 - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 841

You deserved it 9 250

Mind-boggling logistics

By Anika - 23/06/2021 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He married someone, and got another girl pregnant. We were together for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 30/03/2017 20:00

Today, I finally told the girl I'm in love with how I've felt ever since we first met six years ago. She let me know that not only does she not feel the same way, she's always considered me a creep and only ever hung out with me because of our mutual friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 510

You deserved it 953

Support system

By OP. - 29/08/2021 12:01 - Australia - Collaroy

Today, my family finally noticed my depression because of how quiet, down and uninterested I’ve been. They responded by harassing me for saying nothing, calling me names, and making fun of me. Hmm, I wonder why I’m depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 98

By sos - 17/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 198

You deserved it 4 706

By Annonmyus - 03/12/2010 08:56

Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 102

You deserved it 9 750

By Asshole hornet - 28/10/2013 20:18 - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 3 467

Shoulda checked, dude

By FdUp_at32 - 20/10/2020 08:02 - United States - Southfield

Today, a tattoo artist angrily threw me out of his store because an "88" tattoo is apparently a Nazi thing, representing “Heil Hitler.” I just wanted my birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 453

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 380

You deserved it 6 894

By Spooderman - 04/02/2016 02:04 - United States

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 755

You deserved it 2 452

By duhasiangirl - 15/11/2012 00:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 254

You deserved it 2 732

By Lasko - 12/08/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 137

You deserved it 6 901

By haunted - 24/11/2011 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 544

You deserved it 4 807

By bad birthdays - 16/08/2014 05:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 935

You deserved it 3 441

By suicide - 04/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 786

You deserved it 33 790

By not my fault you’re a vapid idiot - 01/04/2019 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my coworker told everyone on staff that I’m a stuck up bitch because I stared blankly at her when she tried to talk to me. I tried to listen, but I zoned out after she rambled on endlessly about the Kardashians and Kanye West. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 293

You deserved it 196

By anon - 04/12/2009 10:35 - Australia

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 111

You deserved it 2 710

By Marty - 10/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took 3 hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 106

You deserved it 283

By Jgfenix - 22/09/2015 00:24 - United States - Aurora

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 831

You deserved it 2 221

By mortified - 30/10/2010 04:12 - Canada

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 572

You deserved it 30 885

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 04:23 - United States - Boaz

Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 751

You deserved it 3 668

ESPN Love

By pieceofcake163 - 29/12/2009 08:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 552

You deserved it 17 022

By bobjope - 28/02/2015 04:14

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 2 726

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 175

By CodeJunky - 17/02/2016 02:15 - United States

Today, I found out how far my car can go after the fuel light comes on: All the way to the stoplight before the nearest gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 569

You deserved it 4 889

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 650

You deserved it 2 363

Troll level 3000

By really?! - 22/03/2020 06:30

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 123

By Angelica - 28/10/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, I had to sit patiently at the checkout at work, listening to my own father rant about how the twinkies he was buying were "twice the size back in my day", and how "you could buy a dozen of these suckers for just 10 cents." He didn't stop there. No, he tried to haggle over the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 810

You deserved it 2 376

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Top comments

portablecupid 3

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:06

Is your name Robert Downey Jr or Zach Galifianakis by any chance?

TehFMLKing 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:06

Someones trying to stop you getting on that plane Op. ;)

picklezz123 5

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:05

aw that's too bad

abbi96x 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:07

Fail.

MyNameIsBruce 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:55

Sounds like another horribly unoriginal comedy movie in the making!

MyDogTastesBad 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:52

Use the Andy Green Thrust SSC uber fast landspeed vehicle.

Dr_JuanDiaz 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:12

Avenged Sevenfold!

Muliar 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:50

hax

RavenRiley007 4

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 6:21

that's fate mate! or...

picklezz123 5

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 6:54

whaaaat?

zoraman5 3

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 7:51

Why Avenged o.o?

fml_psl 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 8:11

Thats really vry bad

gamercanadian 11

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 9:37

it's called a bad day, we all have it

gutzzzz 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 11:29

should have just flown to the other airport to catch your flight, that's what I, a lazy person, would do. :)

khaya 9

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 19:17

Is the OP Rambo.

GigglePony 13

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 23:35

As bad as that sucks...YDI for living in New Jersey.

TehFMLKing 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:06

Someones trying to stop you getting on that plane Op. ;)

chester75 5

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:36

hahaha I was thinking the same thing

broccoli2 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:26

ooooo eagle eye

docscientist 9

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:43

But allowing everyone else to get on the plane.

iBanana 17

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:18

Maybe it's a plane that's going to blow up.

dirtyblond 4

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:14

It's a SIGN!!!! Oh for Pete's Sake this is a freaken SIGN!!!! :O

OceanBreathesSal 5

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:21

final destination!

eezypeezylifeisb 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:54

docscientist? docbastard did you become a scientist? hmmm I think someone is attempting identity fraud... and starting slow and subtly

KingDingALing 9

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 5:01

70- That's what I was thinking. That's like making a KingLingADing or something of that sort.

eezypeezylifeisb 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 5:15

I am glad I am not the only one who has noticed this take-over attempt

DocBastard 38

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 6:38

Nah, docscientist has been around for a while. He's a scientist. I'm a...um... Hey look, a plane!

KongDongALong 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 7:10

Who would do such a thing, 70 and 71?

dirtyblond 4

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 7:28

LOLOLOL!^^ i bet you did that account recently, to say something like that. Good one, good one (X

sarapsosis 1

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 9:45

85- lmao wow talk about perfect timing, they were just debating your existence

eezypeezylifeisb 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 13:29

Bastard, Scientist... Ding, Dong... ahh Tomato, Tomahto who really cares who's who in this whoville

portablecupid 3

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:06

Is your name Robert Downey Jr or Zach Galifianakis by any chance?

picklezz123 5

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:12

lol it's Ethan tremblay

nutsackmuscle 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:19

^win

flirty19 0

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:55

epic win!

Niicky_fml 20

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:52

ha!

Pokeemon 3

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 7:53

I don't get it

Pokeemon 3

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 7:55

aww I'm retarded :( I'm so slow

robotiick 12

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 20:08

I belive also Osama lol

Neorecon19 18

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Friday 8 April 2011 21:02

I blame Third Echelon.

TapialPaado 1

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 0:15

...Police escort? What?

MrsPegg 45

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 13:47

When you're in a hurry and need to get somewhere fast, you can request a police escort to lead the way so traffic moves over and you arrive safely (and without tickets).