Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML
Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML
Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML
Today, I had an very long day at work. I also had to take my daughter to the dentist and ballet class. Later, my 3 year-old son was having a diarrhoea, needing care, yet I pulled myself up, cooked, fed, read, cleaned the whole house except the kids' bedroom. My brother-in-law came, looked only at that and judged me horribly. FML
Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML
Today, I was talking on the phone about how my son's babysitter is an absolute sicko, that she smoked weed next to my baby, that she smells bad, etc. I literally said her full name and the way she looks. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder; it was her, and she'd heard absolutely everything. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
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Top comments
pizzas_awesome 18
It was really nice for you to listen. Sometimes people just need to get words off their chest.
lhazz11 23
At least you were nice enough to listen!
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Comments (65)
Guard_Babe 19
Infected penis?
Martine624 23
You don't want to know the details. Something with balls changing color- trust me, you really don't want to know.
bahamit 18
That's what happens when you run out of lemon pledge.....
Overlord247 20
Need more lemon pledge!
trellz17 19
You clean it!
starile 20
Or cleaning lady could do her freaking job
pitapizzaparty 18
She sounds like she needs a therapist .
FMLusername969 21
Clearly ALL inappropriate topics fo
gearhead369 20
Everyone needs an ear to listen sometimes. It was nice that you were that ear for her.
starile 20
Clearly it wasn't nice at all, as it's on FML
buckdharma 38
Long story short. Because of her intense tooth pain her son using his penis as bait had to catch the duck, which promptly bit it causing infection. The father recognized the infection as one he had incurred as a child while playing naked with the dog. After asking the boy,"who caused this?"he then misheard," Buck," and killed the dog.
FMLusername969 21
LMFAO! That's hilarious!!!
Martine624 23
Hah! That would've made a much better story... :)
FMLusername969 21
Clearly ALL inappropriate topics for a professional relationship. Everyone is entitled to a bad day but she is there to provide a service that i assume you pay her for which bottom line she is not providing. I would give her another chance but if it happens again you need to address it.
rockwrench 18
Not sure why you got voted down for telling like it is. Totally agree #23.
Zebediabolical 45
It's one thing to talk to someone while they're working. But instead of working? I'm voting YDI on this one for letting it continue for two hours. As your username suggests, you clearly understand you had the power to stop it and chose not to exercise it.
david99021 15
no, no, I clean, I clean. need more lemon pledge.