Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML
Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML
Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML
Today, I had an very long day at work. I also had to take my daughter to the dentist and ballet class. Later, my 3 year-old son was having a diarrhoea, needing care, yet I pulled myself up, cooked, fed, read, cleaned the whole house except the kids' bedroom. My brother-in-law came, looked only at that and judged me horribly. FML
Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML
Today, I was talking on the phone about how my son's babysitter is an absolute sicko, that she smoked weed next to my baby, that she smells bad, etc. I literally said her full name and the way she looks. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder; it was her, and she'd heard absolutely everything. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
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Top comments
pizzas_awesome 18
It was really nice for you to listen. Sometimes people just need to get words off their chest.
lhazz11 23
At least you were nice enough to listen!
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Comments (65)
Zebediabolical 45
I hope she doesn't expect to get paid for it.
mnmags 5
White people problems
missmisery86 11
hope you didn't pay her at least
SuperMew 22
That's why, if you hired her, you can fire her.
k3nnz0 6
Were you talking to Carmela Soprano?
rockwrench 18
Easy fix, get a new cleaning lady.
Martine624 23
Hey guys, OP here! I'm, of course, really surprised this got published! Had to make an account to comment though. Okay, let's clear things up and talk about genital infections some more! First of all: I'm an 18 year old girl who still lives at home, so it's not exactly my place to tell our maid what to do or to fire her, and it's my parents who've hired her. To all the people telling my I should clean myself: I do, actually! I clean my own room and I vacuum our house daily because of our cat. Our maid (who is not Spanish, but Dutch. Nice try, Consuela.) cleans the rest of the house once a week. Both my parents work full time, I have to study a lot and have job of my own too two days a week. We simply don't have enough time. Right now I'm on my holidays, and my exams start next Monday. The rest of my family was out of the house but I'd stayed home to study- which I didn't got to do in the end. I came into the kitchen to make myself breakfast so it started off as small talk, but quickly evolved into something more intense. I don't even fully know how we got on all of the topics, but at least now I know how to clean baby penises, where I can earn 10 dollars an hour by catching and killing ducks, where I can get the best treatment against fear for dentists, why her husbands upbringing sucks and has made her son lazy, how two Rottweilers murdered Trixie the little sheepdog, why it's so important to give your children proper education on money issues, why I shouldn't go to soccer competitions and why you can't trust doctors. As you do. I knew during the conversation that it wasn't exactly normal what was happening- but I also felt like she really needed someome to talk to. She seems lonely and from what I've heard from her husband he doesn't seem to help either. I was too nice (or too silent) to tell her I really needed to get going. People walk over me quite easily- I know it's not a good habit, but since I'm the only one getting hurt, it can't be that bad, right? The Greatest Happiness Principle, and all that. As she was talking about her dog, who's been dead for over two years, she started tearing up. I had no clue what to do and muttered something along the lines of "you know, pets are like kids, right?". She quickly agreed and started crying, I awkwardly gave her a hug, then she checked the time and it turned out her shift was over. She left, but called thay afternoon to make a new appointment for the next day, so she did get payed for doing her job, just at another time. (And I went to the library to study.) Also, if I pass my exams I graduate in a few weeks and I'll be spending the next year traveling through New Zealand before heading off to university. So no more two hour talks :) I hope this clears things up!
writerchic85 26
Hope you didn't pay her
Martine624 23
My parents weren't all too happy but that was mainly because I lost some precious study time by talking to her- she's a really nice lady and we're not going to fire her whatsoever. She just needed someone to talk to, and though I can't exactly say I enjoyed the conversation, I'm glad she had someone to vent to. Besides, she did apologize later on, so it's all good!
epc101 8
Manny Pacquiao's mom is your cleaning lady?!