Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML
Today, I was talking to my wife about the pie she'd made and she was really leaning on the need to be reassured, so I said, "It was real good Mom." FML
Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML
Today, I had gotten a Costco style pumpkin pie and whipped cream for Thanksgiving dinner. My mom and stepdad ended up so stuffed from the main course of the dinner that they didn't want the pie. I got that stuff for them specifically. I'll have to eat the pie myself so it doesn't go to waste. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by baking him some cookies for the first time. He took a bite and said, "Wow, these taste exactly like the ones my mom used to make!" I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd used a store-bought mix, because I can’t bake to save my life. FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
I think cyanide may be a good ingredient to add next time you make one for her... But jokes aside, don't bother making her anything, she'll never like anything you cook.
ClosetTroll 10
If she stuffed herself then you know she liked it. It might take her a while to admit the same.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
maxamus951852 3
it might be 10.. even though your eyes fill them your eyesockets are "holes"
luckyd880 12
All OP needs to do is find out her favorite restaurant and meal from there. Get where I'm going? :) Order it, bring it home, serve. Pass off as your own. If she doesn't notice and thinks its "terrible" then you can call her out. Muah ha ha ha. But if she catches you on it your SCREWED! Ruuuuun! If all else fails, promise to name a kid after her, that may make her warm up to you...or slip you meds to make you sterile....who wants kids anyways right?...
Demonfish 14
I, personally, am of the opinion that, attempting to decipher a terribly spelled comment, is good boredom relief. But that's just me :)
BumbleBug 0
#23 practise is a verb. practice is the noun. It has nothing to do with American/British versions.
xGoldenEvox 2
I'm having the same issue. My future mother in law drives me crazy.... I'm half tempted on not marrying because I don't want to deal with her or that family! - ugh -
Dracoboxer357 36
^ I sympathize, my in-law mother was a bitch who supported her 2nd husband being drunk and abusive. My wife's and my answer to this was easy: We won't tolerate this behavior towards us, so you have two choices. Put him in an inpatient program for alcohol addiction and grow up, or don't contact us again until you've done the first option. It's been 4 years since then and nothing's changed. They don't even know their own grandchildren. :p IMHO, I believe your hubby-to-be needs to support you here and together, you two need to talk to his mother as a united couple about respecting and tolerating each other. You can't live with being constantly ragged on her entire life span and the sooner you nip this, the better. I mean, if you're already half-tempted to leave as it is, what have you got to lose? :)
jbsington 8
But that would be waste of a delicious pie!
diva239 8
What a bitch!
catmcross 7
Well then she's just a bitch. Nothing you can do about it. Not to mention she's a dumb ass for preferring canned filling. Hopefully your fiance is smarter and less bitchy than her.
Madame_Javert 4
Unless you grew the apples yourself with your own blood, sweat, and tears, IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. HOW DARE YOU.
monkeyhead641 6
You mean one in every one women have it