Miscellaneous: Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 214

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 123

27/11/2015 20:21

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 151

You deserved it 1 625

Mama's boy

Leave us alone

Triage

21/07/2015 06:15

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 3 359

21/10/2010 21:44

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 943

You deserved it 41 715

Nice boxers

By Harmonia - 26/01/2009 10:09

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I went. I returned with another pair for him to try on, found him bent over and blurted out, "What's with the terrible underwear?" I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 795

You deserved it 9 428

31/05/2012 20:19

Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 580

You deserved it 3 177

11/03/2010 22:23

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 982

You deserved it 2 168

06/09/2015 20:11

Spicy

Today, my neighbor pointed to me and said to his best friend, "This motherfucker still lives with his mama. That's why he can't get no pussy." I'm thirty. My neighbor is eleven, and correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 690

You deserved it 7 988

Cling Alert

By miabun - 14/02/2017 06:02

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 778

You deserved it 879

07/02/2009 07:26

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 416

You deserved it 2 211

06/08/2009 10:05

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 337

You deserved it 13 573

06/11/2015 23:22

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 948

You deserved it 1 419

05/06/2013 17:02

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 848

You deserved it 4 379

03/06/2019 12:07

Today, while working as a waitress, an attractive woman sat at one of my tables. When she paid, I decided to be bold and write my number and "Call me" on her receipt. She put in a complaint to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 3 403

Themed

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 05:03

Today, I blew Christmas out of my nose. Out of one nostril came thick green mucus, and out of the other, thick red blood. Let the holiday season begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 123

11/08/2019 12:00

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 215

01/02/2009 15:48

Spicy

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 620

You deserved it 5 893

10/09/2010 18:09

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 925

You deserved it 3 346

Time to say goodbye

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 16:01

Today, my mom yelled at me because I didn't hear to her calls while I was listening to music. She told me she wouldn't trust me again, that I'm worthless. When I began crying, she told me that I was psychologically manipulate her. It's been like this all the time lately. I can't wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 82

19/03/2009 05:46

Spicy

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 490

You deserved it 10 452

09/07/2013 20:57

Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." Then he walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 534

You deserved it 3 776

09/01/2009 11:40

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 418

You deserved it 26 557

24/02/2015 16:15

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 2 524

12/06/2017 22:00

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 221

13/08/2009 23:29

Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 540

You deserved it 3 436

12/02/2011 00:26

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 301

You deserved it 56 047

01/04/2016 21:06

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 015

You deserved it 1 855

21/12/2014 22:02

Today, my boss sent me a link on how to write a good resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 2 952

What's next?

By My Body Hates me - 30/07/2020 05:01

Today, I was diagnosed with a severe bladder infection that has left me in excruciating pain. A month ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. A few weeks before that, I badly sprained my elbow. Before that, I had the flu. I think my body is mutinying one organ system at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 117

29/01/2009 17:55

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 714

You deserved it 8 916

22/07/2011 04:25

Today, I paid $5000 for a new fence in my backyard for my dogs. My dog escaped three hours after the contractor finished the fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 059

You deserved it 4 479

23/08/2009 17:50

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 617

You deserved it 51 593

08/12/2014 23:11

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 273

You deserved it 4 296

07/11/2015 14:14

Today, I had to come up with a new rule for my library's patrons: If you, your child, or your dog has thrown up on our books, we DON'T WANT THEM BACK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 316

You deserved it 1 509

10/02/2012 00:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 608

You deserved it 7 241

Underestimated overachiever

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 20:00

Today, I told my cousin I was admitted to a top MBA program. He asked if it was an online-only certificate program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 176

26/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 310

29/09/2011 14:32

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 366

You deserved it 3 789

23/07/2018 19:04

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 393

You deserved it 257

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 502

You deserved it 4 126

23/02/2012 07:59

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 522

You deserved it 3 852

Who dis? New phone

By Sexting - 27/07/2021 13:22

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 568

You deserved it 9 337

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Top comments

oj101 33

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:51

You should make her a cream pie, which you can then shove in her face.

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:57

Best mom. 10/10 would child again.

Comments

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:49

Are you Cinderella?

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Monday 30 November 2015 22:04

Leave and take all your pie with you, OP!

oj101 33

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:51

You should make her a cream pie, which you can then shove in her face.

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Saturday 28 November 2015 15:15

Kinkey ;)

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Saturday 28 November 2015 15:17

That ended in a much less disgusting way than I anticipated, #2.

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Saturday 28 November 2015 15:18

If you're gonna be gross, at least know how to spell "kinky"

xXShadowStormXx 12

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Saturday 28 November 2015 15:24

This can go two ways...

Darkness_Hate 29

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Saturday 28 November 2015 16:06

I was thinking about something else....Have my +1 anyway!

I can't stand leg puns! 22

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Sunday 29 November 2015 15:19

you DO know that a cream pie is a sex thing, right? I don't think OP should shove that in his Mum's face. Ewww

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Wednesday 2 December 2015 0:51

What about a THREE-way(;

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:51

That's when you slip rat poison into the pies.

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Saturday 28 November 2015 16:19

Dude wtf bro... If this is how you deal with slight annoyances, I fear for your family, friends, and roommates.

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Saturday 28 November 2015 16:34

I'm always amazed when people read comments like #3 and take their incitements to murder seriously.

MonstreBelle 28

Saturday 28 November 2015 17:10

28- You mean all of these incitements to murder are a joke and not meant to be taken seriously? Shit, I think I'm gonna need a lawyer...

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Saturday 28 November 2015 20:28

Because joking about killing people isn't really funny

cole66 13

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Saturday 28 November 2015 20:30

#45 no, it's funny (sometimes.)it just isn't something you should joke about

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Saturday 28 November 2015 21:48

I wasn't joking

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Sunday 29 November 2015 7:07

#51 you got serious issues then dude.

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:51

Put a balloon in them

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:54

To be completely a jerk, you could have just dropped them face down in the ground outside and walked out. Of course, most people, including myself, wouldn't do this thing despite feeling like I wanted to.

MonstreBelle 28

Saturday 28 November 2015 16:52

Why would anyone want to waste delicious pie? It should be a crime to drop pies on the ground instead of leaving with them and eating them yourself!

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Saturday 28 November 2015 19:24

Then turn back, and take it home, or back to your room

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Saturday 28 November 2015 22:25

Yeah this would be my reaction. And yeah it a waste of pie, but the mess it would cause would be worth it.

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Sunday 29 November 2015 10:11

It's the principle, if you drop them on the ground you clearly show your dissatisfaction whilst bringing them home might lead her to think that you just want to eat them yourself.

Cads1 24

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:55

Why did you not say no?

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:57

OP didn't know he or she wasn't invited until after the pies were given to the family.

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:57

Best mom. 10/10 would child again.

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Saturday 28 November 2015 14:58

Sprinkle chilli powder on top and watch them sweat

Dark_Cecilia 20

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Saturday 28 November 2015 15:04

Shoulda just invited yourself :P

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Saturday 28 November 2015 15:04

That's when you eat the pies by yourself or with some of your own friends, ones that treat you better then your family.