Kids: Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 34

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 134

29/08/2014 18:09

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 232

You deserved it 3 477

Good kid

Demonic

That went well

20/11/2015 19:27

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 877

You deserved it 5 102

10/02/2012 22:17

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 207

You deserved it 29 356

29/10/2012 03:10

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 533

You deserved it 4 315

Bigger cages! Longer chains!

By naas1201 - 28/11/2020 05:02

Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 67

29/11/2016 21:04

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 372

You deserved it 746

10/09/2013 07:04

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 861

You deserved it 2 596

11/03/2015 05:32

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 986

You deserved it 3 297

08/03/2009 21:02

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 471

You deserved it 19 248

17/04/2019 02:00

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 204

29/01/2014 18:26

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 389

You deserved it 4 207

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 293

Wobbly

By CheddarJack89 - 01/12/2012 08:35

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 2 462

04/06/2009 14:46

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 337

You deserved it 3 574

26/08/2016 06:05

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 1 006

27/01/2013 05:57

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 107

You deserved it 3 795

Cut her off

By psychobunnycutie - 29/01/2021 14:02

Today, my mom messaged me and was acting weird, we don't have a real relationship. Turns out, she wanted to tell me to stop posting selfies because "it's making her feel bad about her appearance." The worst part? She said, "My husband likes you more than me sexually." That's your big concern? FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 67

22/05/2012 18:42

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 2 745

09/09/2011 09:59

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 168

You deserved it 4 812

Bad sex

By izzie - 09/05/2010 14:15

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 411

You deserved it 5 046

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 984

TSA

By androgynous - 30/03/2009 17:44

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 471

You deserved it 4 733

29/12/2010 07:03

Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 649

You deserved it 4 340

09/05/2015 17:13

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 830

You deserved it 10 050

25/01/2019 18:00

Today, my best friend excitedly told me all about this new video game she'd just discovered that she thought I'd love. It was her Xmas present from me 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 192

You deserved it 192

31/07/2014 03:12

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 728

You deserved it 3 414

Happy Easter!

By Dummy - 01/04/2018 15:00

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 682

You deserved it 1 396

18/02/2010 00:24

Spicy

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 9 896

28/11/2010 01:03

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 077

You deserved it 13 575

26/07/2011 13:35

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 451

You deserved it 3 423

04/07/2019 02:00

Today, my toddler shat on her carpet again. She also decided to play in it. This is the third time in a month. She's fully potty trained, and thinks it’s funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 289

01/04/2015 16:20

Today, my self-esteem issues got me jealous of Superman's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 779

You deserved it 6 647

The difference

By Robyn_mori - 31/01/2020 05:00

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 456

17/08/2011 16:45

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 519

You deserved it 3 260

27/01/2014 04:37

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 077

You deserved it 14 236

08/06/2013 23:26

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 101

You deserved it 6 048

You tried…

By Trapfail - 09/08/2021 04:01

Today, I claimed I was pregnant to get back at my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. I tagged him in my "ultrasound" pic, saying it was his baby, hoping she would dump him. Turns out there’s this thing called "reverse image search" and he posted the Google page where I got the ultrasound from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 4 800

Friends and family

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 09:59

Today, it was my birthday. None of my family members wished me a happy birthday and neither did the 1,000+ "friends" I have on Facebook either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 297

13/10/2015 07:35

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 741

You deserved it 6 120

Chill

By FennFoxx - 21/03/2017 07:00

Today, I decided to take a relaxing bubble bath in my jacuzzi. I poured in the bubbles, turned on the jets, and got in. I realized too late that the jets had caused the bubbles to overflow and had made a huge mess in my bathroom. Relaxing, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 1 821

19/03/2009 15:51

Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 987

You deserved it 4 613

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Top comments

DontClickOnMe 28

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:13

Well, how were you supposed to know. That was kind of a mean prank anyway, but you sound like a great kid. =)

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:14

I would say you handled that perfectly

Comments

DontClickOnMe 28

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:13

Well, how were you supposed to know. That was kind of a mean prank anyway, but you sound like a great kid. =)

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:54

She was a good kid. I would've said, "Well, now I know why I'm not so messed up. Always wondered."

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Saturday 30 August 2014 6:08

Next time, tell them they're going to be grandparents, then tell them it was for a YouTube video prank.

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Saturday 30 August 2014 7:36

If OP even remotely looked like one of their parents then he/she would know it was a prank. If my parents pulled that on me I would know it was fake immediately because I'm the spitting image of my mother. Obviously not everyone has identical or similar features to their parents but usually you can tell you got your eyes/nose etc from one or the other.

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Saturday 30 August 2014 10:12

Yes, but then there are those adopted kids that look like their adoptive parents. Growing up, I knew one girl who was adopted, and when she told all her friends, some of us didn't belive her because she resembles her mother.

orsombre_fml 11

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Saturday 30 August 2014 19:35

My father looks a lot like his adoptive father though they are not blood related.

brandoneyez1 25

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Sunday 31 August 2014 0:32

Great attitude. Prank backfired.

WildJubeJube 16

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Monday 1 September 2014 5:41

Yes, in fact that it true. You see, I'm adopted yet I look very similar to my dad, my friends at first were shocked but at all makes sense in the end.

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:13

Well it looks like the joke is on them.

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:14

I would say you handled that perfectly

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:24

3- OP should have just said something like "oh thank God. It's a relief knowing I'm not related to you assholes." His parents deserve it if they would try a stupid prank like that.

AvatheAvacodo 9

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:14

Wow, that sucks OP, hope your parents realize your feelings are more important than a YouTube video. I agree, FYR.

AvatheAvacodo 9

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

FYL*

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:14

Uhm okay so. Your parents are terrible. for some people that is a very strong thing and really shouldn't be toyed with.

Kittiecat511 14

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:14

You should prank your parents back. And thats kind of rude lying to you for a reaction

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:15

That's kind of fucked up, but at the same time, its not so bad because you aren't adopted, and it was funny.

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Thursday 4 September 2014 19:40

Maybe 7 meant that it was funny because the prank backfired on OP's parents? That kind of WAS funny, and they totally deserved it.

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Saturday 18 November 2017 17:37

Hey BritSkits, what exactly is wrong with being adopted? - someone who was adopted

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Saturday 18 November 2017 17:38

And not the least bit “sad” about it btw. Smh so much ignorance.

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:15

That's fantastic

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Saturday 30 August 2014 11:25

Your comment -> your username -> back to your comment.

weveallbeenthere 30

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

good for you, sucks for them.

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Saturday 30 August 2014 5:16

Well at least it won't be the first boring video on YouTube.