Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML
Today, I was talking to my wife about the pie she'd made and she was really leaning on the need to be reassured, so I said, "It was real good Mom." FML
Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML
Today, I had gotten a Costco style pumpkin pie and whipped cream for Thanksgiving dinner. My mom and stepdad ended up so stuffed from the main course of the dinner that they didn't want the pie. I got that stuff for them specifically. I'll have to eat the pie myself so it doesn't go to waste. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by baking him some cookies for the first time. He took a bite and said, "Wow, these taste exactly like the ones my mom used to make!" I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd used a store-bought mix, because I can’t bake to save my life. FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
I think cyanide may be a good ingredient to add next time you make one for her... But jokes aside, don't bother making her anything, she'll never like anything you cook.
ClosetTroll 10
If she stuffed herself then you know she liked it. It might take her a while to admit the same.
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Comments (143)
DocBastard 40
Bitch: Ugh, this tastes nothing like the canned stuff! OP: Thank you. This is the only response necessary, and it's guaranteed to shut her freaking pie hole.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Which one? There is about 4 holes to shut.
KILLERTOAST13 4
*7 to be exact
ClosetTroll 10
Let's make that 8.
trollfaced 2
There's actually 7 holes for men and 10 holes for women, if you ever paid attention during sex ed. There's actually 3 holes in the vaginal region. look it up
THE_A_TEEN 28
I was mostly focused on the mouth hole, ******, uretha, and the anus.
igive 29
where's the tenth?
leogirl95 12
12- Ahaha, pun intended?!
cheaptrix 6
Nope, I'm betting the pun was a coincidence...*sarcasm*
purplemnm 9
Idk why you're counting orifices...that's one of the weirdest things I've seen on FML.
benderbot19 0
72- you're an idiot
ClosetTroll 10
72 - 3 holes in the vaginal region? Forgive me, I must have missed the finer details in sex ed classes.
loufol22 5
Nice try...
THE_A_TEEN 28
Just like doby, who abbreviated "people" out of laziness, and made no effort to use any punctuation. Practise what you preach, bro.
SultanRS 12
It appears your mother-in-law suffers from Chronic Bitch Disorder (CBD). One in every 12 women have it.
Ozymandias_ 2
Well at least.... mmm, no this sucks, sorry to hear that dude.
KILLERTOAST13 4
that's it? Nothing funny or creative to say? Man what a let down
bobchickenfart 5
15) im pretty sure you spelled 'practice' wrong
THE_A_TEEN 28
To all the (possibly American) non-original English speakers: "Practise" is the Brit and international way to spell "Practice".
perdix 31
You should have known what a gourmand your mother-in-law-to-be is. You could have gotten two McDonald's apple pies for a dollar in 3 minutes, and your MIL-to-be would have given you free reign over her collection of cheap costume jewelry, orthopedic wedgies and flower-print muumuus.
purplemnm 9
Oh, perdix, how I've missed you and your witty remarks. You've made my day, sir.
whattheforkdude 0
It was better than canned pie filling. She's just being bitchy cause she doesn't want to admit it.
KILLERTOAST13 4
or she's a bitch by nature
Shrike 24
It's not even that anyway. I was taught that in AE, practise and practice are interchangeable. It's only in BE that you can only use practise as a verb. 20- Stop being an ignorant cow. You're half the reason American kids have a bad reputation.