Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, I sent my husband out for baby formula and cocoa butter to soothe my boobs from breastfeeding. He came back with powdered milk and deep heat rub. AND he still wanted praise for at least having tried to get what I asked for. I would kill him, but I need his wages while I'm on maternity. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
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Top comments
krysxkatastrophe 14
Ice cream is awesome! I'm lactose intolerant too, but I don't care when it comes to that!
knights95 9
But they have cheese in them. Fail.
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Comments (294)
cheyannnelynnn 5
You've still got the hot pockets!
flame1819 0
you *****, you're pregnant and not married
geeksaresexy 18
Wow.. just wow...
monnanon 14
Welcome to the 21st century where we are not stupid enough to believe marriage is the only place love can bloom.
kristledaigle 0
at least you can eat the hot pockets
DiscoLemonade 0
They need a cure for your terrible ailment
supahnazi 0
u "sent" him? ha he must b a bitch
ispt3ch 2
new to fml but I am seeing a trend of bad advice coming from those born in the 90's ...most of which I own ties older than...and secondly people don't read the comments that they post to see that they aren't being original at all...but I agree that either he needs to grow up or you do and leave him for someone more worthy of being a partner and a parent...best of luck to you both :)
mimi2016_fml 0
wow I'm sorry but when he comes home at least you can give him a good pop in the head n' hopefully that'll make you feel better! : P
romanianboi 0
incompetent man.
smilesbear 6
Sounds like a man to me.
MarkIsBored 0
OP needs to calm her ****. He got hot pockets, a most delicious treat!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
1. Hot Pockets are not everyone's cup of tea 2. Hot Pockets contain cheese which will make a lactose-intolerant person ill.
geeksaresexy 18
Can't tell if trolling or just stupid..