Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

Busy?

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

Whipping boy

Today, like every day, my boss was complaining about something or other, but this time it was work that I knew he'd done himself, and he still blamed me. FML

Dat ass

Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML