Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I spilled my guts out to my fiancé about some insecurities I've been having. I then turned to look at him through tears at his expressionless face as he texted someone. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I started to tear up and told her I had something stuck in my eye. I was secretly thrilled as I had been trying to end it for weeks. Seeing me cry, she immediately took it back. I really just had something stuck in my eye. FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML
Today, I had a mental breakdown. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was, "I think we were better off as friends." FML
Today, after weeks of doubt and pondering the pros and cons, I finally broke up with my girlfriend, and she burst into tears. Feeling guilty, I tried to console her by saying, "Don't worry, we can still be cousins." FML
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Top comments
mackdeezy 22
Christmas is over OP, why are you still dealing with nutcrackers?
cr3ativity 15
Shit. Another reason why I keep wearing underpants as opposed to boxers.
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Comments (83)
Sweetpea22 14
You won't become sterile. *Rolls my eyes* My friend hit his balls with a skateboard numerous times, he has two year old
ksuth 25
OP said nothing about becoming sterile.
Sweetpea22 14
His fiance crying implied that she was convinced they wouldn't be able to have kids.
starbunnytwinkle 3
65.. No it doesn't! She's crying because they were having a 'tenderly sweet discussion'. Someone needs to work on their reading skills...
bubblebuddy22 3
Just play it off like you were in the moment. She will never know the difference
DanielleinDC 34
And shifting your position to get more comfortable was not an option?
RedPillSucks 33
Well, he may have done that but once the pain is experienced, it lasts for a while. Like when you get kicked in the nuts, the kick is momentary, but the pain...
isamisis 9
If you can sit on your testicles then I don't expect you have much of a future.
poccocurantes 7
A future without kids.
twiztedone 19
O the pain from sitting on them and the pain of listening to her talk! I don't know which I would rather indure seperately let alone at the same time!
KaiCer0 8
LMAO sorry OP but that's hilarious
DarthVader77 9
I feel your pain, man
Sunkistlover718 21
I imagine OP wadling away, tears streaming down his face; His fiancee even more deeply enamored than ever, wondering how she could have been lucky enough as to find a man so sensitive as OP.
Chazzzor 10
Are you a recent convert to having testicles? Jeeze, I thought if you were old enough for a girlfriend you were old enough not to do that - Certainly not to stay sitting on them!