Health: Today, I rubbed chilli powder on my fingers in an attempt to... - FML

By b5b0n36 - 06/03/2016 02:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I rubbed chilli powder on my fingers in an attempt to kick the habit of biting my nails. Ten minutes later I went to the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 397

You deserved it 7 415

b5b0n36 tells us more.

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Monday 7 March 2016 1:35

hey, OP here. thanks for the suggestion! I will look into it cause chilli powder was a horrible disaster hahaha

Dementia or hate? You decide

Get vaccinated, you doofuses

Stay mad

By totalloss - 01/04/2012 16:15 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 272

You deserved it 2 127

By 2k16 - 17/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 763

You deserved it 1 667

By Anonymous - 04/02/2014 18:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 452

You deserved it 16 717

By CT - 25/11/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 697

You deserved it 2 271

By Noname - 02/03/2009 18:52 - Canada

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 493

You deserved it 7 584

Not now, mate

By yuen - 16/06/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 511

You deserved it 4 724

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 652

You deserved it 762

By shewantsmedead - 26/01/2017 18:00

Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 985

You deserved it 554

By merrr - 20/01/2014 20:34 - Canada

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 044

You deserved it 13 779

RIP in peace

By down1dog - 26/07/2020 20:01

Today, while out of town, I got a hysterical phone call from my teenage nephew who was pet-sitting at my house. My geriatric dog, who seemed fine when we left, had died during the night. Now my family is mourning the dog and my nephew is traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 113

By imafunguy - 05/10/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 830

You deserved it 3 070

By Just Me - 26/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 539

You deserved it 4 053

By Rella - 15/12/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 1 231

By kill me now - 16/01/2017 21:22

Spicy

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 140

You deserved it 6 526

Those assholes are everywhere!

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 09:02 - United States - Cody

Today, I found out my wife's sister is an antivaxxer, and my wife is headed that way too. Our first baby is due next February. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 434

You deserved it 2 797

By Master Debater - 01/02/2013 11:05 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 39 988

Grateful

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 01:08 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my mom made me shovel our long driveway, as it had just snowed a couple of inches. It took me two and half hours to finish. She came out and said, "Wow, is this really the best you can do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 141

Cynophobia

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 04:01

Today, my new boyfriend is so scared of dogs that he won’t even go in the room where my new puppy's bed is, so even on the days when he’s at home not working, I still have to pay the lad next door to come round and let it into the garden for a pee, because he’s too scared to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 648

By goldenpuppy - 19/05/2016 20:54 - United States - Somerville

Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 063

You deserved it 1 052

By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 825

You deserved it 761

By afather - 14/06/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 276

You deserved it 6 502

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 02:00

Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the nerve to claim it wasn't a big deal because, "I always come home to you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 415

You deserved it 380

By anonymous - 25/11/2015 01:01 - Canada

Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 286

You deserved it 1 504

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 2 669

By elizabethyeo - 20/02/2012 10:01 - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 423

You deserved it 46 155

By Henji - 10/12/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I gave a girl I like a $200 diamond necklace to express how much she means to me. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did she want to lose her new necklace. Today, I got a $200 hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 948

You deserved it 41 273

Travelling light

By intrepid_traveller - 19/08/2021 03:01 - Finland - Parola

Today, after spending the night anxiously waiting for a negative COVID test result which would allow me to travel, I got to the airport in the morning, despite delays, and finally realized that my wallet is sitting on my couch at home. I'm on the plane now. There's no going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 332

By Oopsie - 28/07/2015 17:18 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 387

You deserved it 3 760

By creepedout - 20/07/2015 03:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 2 325

Honest discrimination

By erin - 16/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was called fatphobic for rejecting an overweight man who asked me on a date. I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to fat people. There’s just nothing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 206

By petlover - 23/11/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 934

You deserved it 3 833

By Daddy - 19/08/2016 14:55 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 550

You deserved it 1 208

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 017

You deserved it 61 987

By oops - 19/11/2014 17:03 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 034

You deserved it 8 319

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

By Anonymous - 07/05/2020 17:00

Today, my boss gave me attitude for not going to back to work this Friday. I'm a massage therapist and where I live, it's currently illegal to practice during the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 142

First day

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 07:59

Today, it was my first day working at my new job in a hospital with one day of training for a few hours a week ago. I wasn’t shown around and I was told I wouldn’t be alone today. I was. I got called useless because I’m the new girl who didn’t know where to tell people to go, or how to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 48

By ronboy - 26/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 654

You deserved it 2 794

Sadly discontinued

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some Lean Pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 181

You deserved it 40 891

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 217

You deserved it 44 989

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Top comments

BlueBaronBitch 22

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:56

I believe they have a nail polish you can put on your nails that tastes bad when you try to bite them, seems a lot better than chili powder

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:42

Next time try vinegar or clear nail polish. They also make polish for this purpose.

Comments

Rich531 21

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

xChaos 29

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:43

Yeah fuck nail polish am I right

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Monday 7 March 2016 1:57

sorry that I didn't come up with a better joke. I guess I let first comment get to my head

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:42

Probably should have went to the bathroom first lol..or at least remembered to wash your hands first.

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:42

Next time try vinegar or clear nail polish. They also make polish for this purpose.

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Sunday 6 March 2016 19:39

Vinegar? How is that a bad taste?

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Monday 7 March 2016 4:39

I stopped biting my nails years ago by always keeping a nail clippers on my key ring. I trim them super short and keep them smooth so I'm not tempted to bite the jagged edges. Worked for me.

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:43

Sounds hot

IssacB 14

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:44

That sucks OP. However, it was only 10min later and you could probably feel it on your hands. I feel like you should have remembered and been more careful

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:45

...you know they make actual stuff to put on your nails, right?

Feklfekl2222 32

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Sunday 6 March 2016 17:05

Chilli powder probably works out an awful lot cheaper. OP thought they'd be saving a bit of money

briiwantsacookie 14

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:46

You're lucky you didn't rub your eyes Lmfao

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Sunday 6 March 2016 23:45

I feel like that is what they meant

ldhull 16

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:53

Wear gloves or chew gum. That should help you with the habit. Hope this helps!

BlueBaronBitch 22

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Sunday 6 March 2016 17:01

Pardon my asking, I'm actually curious, but how would chewing gum make someone not bite their nails?

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Sunday 6 March 2016 17:18

You're already busy chewing something else, so you'd probably be less likely to chew your nails. Most people don't chew their nails while they eat.

BlueBaronBitch 22

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Sunday 6 March 2016 16:56

I believe they have a nail polish you can put on your nails that tastes bad when you try to bite them, seems a lot better than chili powder

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Sunday 6 March 2016 17:28

it stops working after a while

BlueBaronBitch 22

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Sunday 6 March 2016 17:40

Why not just reapply it then? Also might depend on the brand

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Sunday 6 March 2016 18:50

Yeah you definitely need to reapply it. I had to reapply mine after two days.

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Sunday 6 March 2016 18:54

Doesn't work I have tried it

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Sunday 6 March 2016 19:40

It doesn't work that well, I'll be honest. Yes, I was reapplying it, it just didn't help the habit because it's a compulsion connected to my anxiety/mood disorder.

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Monday 7 March 2016 1:35

hey, OP here. thanks for the suggestion! I will look into it cause chilli powder was a horrible disaster hahaha

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Monday 7 March 2016 4:14

or put nail polish on the tips of your figures

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Monday 7 March 2016 5:25

It's called no bite and you can get it from walgreens

negb 30

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Monday 7 March 2016 5:29

Sally Hanson has a clear coat that you put on your nails that taste bad.

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Monday 7 March 2016 7:36

I like to believe that OPs profile picture was his reaction to the burning sensation

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Monday 7 March 2016 9:58

There is, but you can get used to it after a while. That's what happened to me.

utrax 23

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Monday 7 March 2016 14:57

We all know that shit doesn't actually work.

EvilLittleGirl 24

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Monday 7 March 2016 22:33

Umm wear nails? maybe acrylics so you can't bite into them

kkhk1 7

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Friday 11 March 2016 18:23

Same here, I've tried the nail polish but as soon as I become worried I bite my nails anyway

hardcorefan16 22

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Sunday 6 March 2016 17:02

Chili powder? Are you insane?

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 116

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 95