Today, my mother-in-law and I were having a lovely chat about...

By Didn't want to hear that from you - 11/8/2017 10:46

Today, my mother-in-law and I were having a lovely chat about my partner, until she asked me if he was good in bed and started saying things like "I've seen it, great length. I'm jealous." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8745

You deserved it

645

Favorite

Scoobz tells us more :

OP here!! Can't believe that this actually got posted! My mother-in-law and I have a unique, open relationship... Quite traumatic at times though. We're like good friends, that sometimes take it too far. Thank you all for your comments!!

Love

Fashion Police

My body, my choice

Overbearing much?

By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 12:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to catch a coach to London at 4 in the morning. I was late so I had to take any free seat, so sat down next to a seemingly sweet old man. Within ten minutes, the sweet old man was trying to kiss me and trying to pull me on top of him. Nobody said anything. The journey was 4 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48240

You deserved it

3758

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 00:01 - United States

Don't let the bastards grind you down

Today, I heard a radio ad for the new anti-bullying efforts at a local middle school. The speaker in the ad was the school counselor… who was also my bully in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1608

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53188

You deserved it

4370

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 11:27 - Israel

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18005

You deserved it

55402

Favorite

By phatkroger10 - 10/4/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13058

You deserved it

66614

Favorite

By "Jester94752" - 15/3/2019 16:00

Today, a co-worker who lives 30 minutes out of my way had broken down so I picked him up. We were both 5 minutes late and both got fired. Our department takes 30-60 minutes to even start running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2245

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By junior - 11/4/2010 08:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20201

You deserved it

46232

Favorite

By teach - 14/11/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39143

You deserved it

8461

Favorite

By anonymous - 26/5/2016 00:34 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11072

You deserved it

1341

Favorite

By ratherbealone - 27/10/2020 02:06 - United States - Phoenix

Life's what you make it

Today, I don't want to go to work because I hate my boss, but once I'm there, I won't want to go home because I hate my husband. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

970

You deserved it

367

Favorite

By Matt - 27/6/2010 18:54 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38734

You deserved it

9890

Favorite

By Tomato - 11/8/2017 14:30

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2635

You deserved it

3425

Favorite

By HotACE - 22/4/2011 05:08

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36816

You deserved it

22631

Favorite

By Drewski - 22/12/2016 00:11 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I am recovering from my second back surgery. I survived four years in the Army with one combat tour without major injury, only to destroy my back the day after discharge by lifting my mother-in-law's suitcase into the trunk of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9114

You deserved it

599

Favorite

By lk26 - 8/2/2009 05:32 - United States

Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35485

You deserved it

2905

Favorite

By Kalaina - 25/10/2009 04:36 - France

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37427

You deserved it

2502

Favorite

By Emma-Louise - 20/5/2011 19:46 - France

Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61239

You deserved it

14294

Favorite

By ScaredDude - 19/5/2019 04:07

Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

991

You deserved it

1829

Favorite

By mother teresa was a cunt - 17/9/2015 14:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24378

You deserved it

5362

Favorite

By CA19oo - 16/1/2012 03:08 - United States

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9660

You deserved it

42381

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/2/2017 06:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8345

You deserved it

1430

Favorite

By Not Mrs Soprano - 8/7/2013 11:57 - United States - Irvington

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35964

You deserved it

3529

Favorite

By TheComedyAudio - 6/4/2018 01:30

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4633

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By anonymous - 16/9/2011 17:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26277

You deserved it

9297

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35036

You deserved it

16567

Favorite

By Pukey - 28/3/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30500

You deserved it

2181

Favorite

By MissYouPieceOfSkin - 27/11/2013 08:44 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

I agree, your life sucks

35805

You deserved it

16583

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/4/2013 21:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46212

You deserved it

12144

Favorite

By shaggy - 30/8/2009 21:26 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60796

You deserved it

4852

Favorite

By lukas - 11/1/2014 00:24 - Canada - Lyndhurst

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55731

You deserved it

8418

Favorite

By quickfingers100 - 22/5/2011 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks

80235

You deserved it

4223

Favorite

By whitefox123 - 20/9/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17483

You deserved it

45377

Favorite

By terrifiedanon - 29/6/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1548

You deserved it

120

Favorite

By aaah. - 24/5/2012 05:42 - Canada - Caronport

Today, I had to take Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38019

You deserved it

7737

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43821

You deserved it

5344

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/5/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34266

You deserved it

5030

Favorite

By Levi2411 - 21/11/2018 17:30

Today, I jokingly told my mother to "go fall down a hole" during a mock argument we always have. Not even 10 minutes later, our basement stairs gave out. When I said that, I didn't want her to break both her arms or to actually fall into a gaping hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2717

You deserved it

426

Favorite

By Sarah - 25/8/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71471

You deserved it

10370

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 19:41 - United States - Chicago Ridge

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53620

You deserved it

7429

Favorite

By drugdealersgf - 2/12/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10030

You deserved it

1059

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By almost_there44 | 26

#7523736 - Sunday 6 August 2017 0:39

That's beyond disgusting. I don't know why people are so concerned with other's sex life. Especially their son's!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7523735 - Sunday 6 August 2017 0:39

Now you know what to get her for Christmas. A life size silicone replica of his son's penis.

COMMENTS

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7523735 - Sunday 6 August 2017 0:39

Now you know what to get her for Christmas. A life size silicone replica of his son's penis.

sammypooface | 11

#7523859 - Sunday 6 August 2017 2:58

lol that would teach her! let her know she's gross and weird.

myusofwe | 15

#7524092 - Sunday 6 August 2017 6:46

Attach a note that says "now you don't have to be so jealous" and wink at her.

By almost_there44 | 26

#7523736 - Sunday 6 August 2017 0:39

That's beyond disgusting. I don't know why people are so concerned with other's sex life. Especially their son's!

PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7524903 - Sunday 6 August 2017 22:51

Yeah. Talking about wanting to have sex with your own child is about as disgusting as it gets.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7523753 - Sunday 6 August 2017 0:52

“It’s so-so ... I’m more of a girthy gal!”

By Jennifer Letson | 1

#7523777 - Sunday 6 August 2017 1:09

find better company

By Marlon4136 | 4

#7523782 - Sunday 6 August 2017 1:14

I don't want my mom to know ANYTHING about my sex life (yes, I'm married) and I don't want to know anything about my kids' sex lives when they get to that age.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7523819 - Sunday 6 August 2017 2:07

"Anyway, how's your sex life?"

HappyItalian | 38

#7524016 - Sunday 6 August 2017 5:19

Oh Tommy Wiseau, you wonderful genius.

Cali | 54

#7526443 - Tuesday 8 August 2017 1:08

You're tearing me apart, Glowworm56!

By Bubbles77777 | 11

#7523839 - Sunday 6 August 2017 2:31

So she's talking bout her own son?? That's gross:( :(

By Scoobz | 2

#7523843 - Sunday 6 August 2017 2:33

Moerighan | 23

#7523927 - Sunday 6 August 2017 3:50

Still, that should be something she never says about her own son. Disgusting.

TheSminty1 | 17

#7524147 - Sunday 6 August 2017 8:27

my own mother has told me things like "Men like me because I am tight" and "my boyfriend can go 8 times, we counted" I am well aware of the cringe factor LOL