Health: Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin,... - FML

By jami898 - 18/08/2015 04:30 - United States - Medford

Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 531

You deserved it 1 837

Compromises

Walk on the wild side

The sweet smell of success

By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - 06/08/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 214

You deserved it 4 847

By Anonymous - 21/05/2011 21:29 - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 384

You deserved it 34 779

By coffee girl - 22/07/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 261

You deserved it 2 427

By cduran2011 - 14/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 475

You deserved it 12 305

By fml - 27/03/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 3 345

By RyoKioKio - 21/04/2019 12:00

Today, after seeing my cat struggle to use the litterbox and produce nothing for two days, I caved and took him to the emergency vet, fearing a UTI. It wasn't. $200 and 2 Lyft rides later, he's stoned out of his mind and peeing just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 307

By bezoar10 - 04/04/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 809

You deserved it 70 181

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By leah - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 67

By kay - 01/06/2012 21:08 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 881

You deserved it 4 339

By Airplane crap - 21/10/2014 20:13 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 913

You deserved it 4 107

By Crushed - 04/11/2016 14:23

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 812

You deserved it 1 142

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 152

You deserved it 42 022

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 22:00

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 605

You deserved it 328

By ew - 15/09/2015 16:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 228

You deserved it 1 557

We could be heroes…

By ally - 23/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Austin

Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 150

By kengu - 23/10/2011 21:02 - Norway

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 555

You deserved it 7 105

By not getting laid - 13/10/2013 14:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 034

You deserved it 90 690

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 211

Awkward

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 06:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 7 187

By Potential Bridezilla - 10/08/2011 07:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 237

You deserved it 2 581

Heads up

By nobueno - 06/09/2021 23:01

Today, my wife’s ex-boyfriend sent me a message with a screenshot of her trying to get in touch with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 73

By unwilling redneck - 24/05/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 406

You deserved it 4 572

By mommy_issues - 29/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 080

You deserved it 4 513

By Anonymous - 27/06/2012 20:02 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I had an IUD put in two years ago that's supposed to prevent pregnancy. To put it in perspective, less than 1% of people using this IUD get pregnant. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 806

You deserved it 5 324

By vikhelios - 30/01/2010 18:45 - France

Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 2 973

By Anonymous - 29/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Normal

Today, it's the 6th day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 784

You deserved it 1 084

PTSD FML

By Eddward - 15/06/2021 06:00

Today, I was working a phone call in a call center when I suddenly began to faint while at it. It turned out to be a bad dream I'd woken up from, because it's been three months since I've worked at that call center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 11:42 - Canada

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 335

You deserved it 13 303

By anonymous - 02/02/2010 17:32 - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 476

You deserved it 4 258

The joys of public transportation

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 04:56

Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 20/11/2017 06:00

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 136

You deserved it 508

By Daughter of the year - 11/03/2015 00:19 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 735

You deserved it 3 718

The lifescript

By RowanBlossom - 07/07/2020 05:01

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 15:17 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 470

You deserved it 1 799

By dollybabe - 09/01/2010 21:20 - Ireland

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 11 658

By ohshootgirl - 04/10/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 963

You deserved it 28 041

Bad choice of material, dude

By screwed - 11/03/2020 23:00

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FM

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 1 674

Nothing

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 01:00

Today, I realized that I'm on the top of not having my drivers license/ state ID (I was submitting my taxes and needed it) I also threw away my brand new passport because I thought it was trash in my boyfriends car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 2 372

By moonlight77 - 11/01/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 2 128

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 806

You deserved it 51 557

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:16

Unlike your brother, the floor will always be there for you

ryannmichael 17

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:18

Time to get your revenge. Hide his game console and tell him "some things won't always be there for you"

Comments

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:16

Unlike your brother, the floor will always be there for you

Send a private message

Wednesday 19 August 2015 4:04

Not unless he falls into an endless pit.

ryannmichael 17

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:18

Time to get your revenge. Hide his game console and tell him "some things won't always be there for you"

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:38

That is evil, even you have to admit.

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 2:07

its karmic revenge

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:19

Duty called

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:20

I game probably too much, but there's also a line.. Laundry and homework can wait ten minutes. If someone gets hurt then there's no reason at all to not get off right away, at the very most say "gotta go" to friends or whatever and then book it. Sorry OP.

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:51

Game more important then sibling

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 3:51

"Geez mom you can't pause an online game!"

Niz_DD 14

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 9:50

Let me take a 360 no-scope first!

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:23

Could it possibly be that he didn't notice it had happened until after he was playing Call of Duty?

im_a_black_guy 10

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 23:37

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:23

Your brother answered the wrong call of duty.

UncleCaitlyn 21

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:27

That's intense right there you can't leave your teammates like that no matter what

Scarylizard1798 23

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:32

Ah, what a beautiful generation, xD

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:33

Hit him so the same happens then wait 15 minutes to help him. Karma is a bitch

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:51

Why be violent? Just hide is COD disc for a while.

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 3:51

Because I do MMA and choose to fight.

alwaysstabbing 19

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 5:00

i see.. thats why you got crazy eyes

daemonsparta 16

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:09

since you are a martial artist you should know self control. if you want to follow a path of violence i will be asking you to return any belt youve earned.

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 8:45

23 -- You are everything that is wrong with MMA. You shouldn't fight unless you have to.

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 8:53

If my brother was an asshole like that then I'd be one right back.

SubparAtBest 23

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 10:57

comments dont always prove 41s point but when they do they're posted by Nesteremily

SubparAtBest 23

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 11:00

And to be honest Karma isnt the bitch here. It appears to be you.

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:02

42 -- I actually fight. Don't use any of your techniques unless you're training, in a martial arts competition, or in self-defense. Have some honor.

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Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:40

Call of Duty: Claiming more lives of young men than actual war.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 81

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 44