Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML
Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend, "Actually, it's a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML
Today, I introduced my mom to my friend who performed the Heimlich maneuver on me when I was choking. She proceeded to loudly berate and chew him out, saying that he should have gotten an adult and could have hurt me. Now he won't talk to me and I'm grounded for calling her a cunt. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cwrocker 14
Wow, sorry OP sometimes parents speak before they think
mattiscg 22
some people shouldn't ever be parents.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
Aquaman911 18
Why do men spit on the sidewalk? its gay to swallow
CrazyLaughs4Me 17
Wow wtf, that sucks too bad for you
subhaan786 19
Wow that sucks
charcharthunder 18
wow, at least she talks about you.
echosong 16
Mother knows best?
715chiefs 15
Maybe she wanted a bird Swallow as a pet?
Mr_Beavis 6
Named unwanted daughter?
cookiemonster116 15
Can someone please explain this too me, how does not swallowing get you pregnant?
illegalbeagle69 23
I typed out an explanation, but I don't wanna be the one to explain it.. anyone else?
illegalbeagle69 23
Gather 'round children, this is the story of the engine who couldn't pull out of the station in time. The little train engine was entering, exiting, and re-entering the station for a little fun time your parents like to call: "**** Time." The engine was picking up some speed, as the station attendant lubricated the station tracks. The engine was going so fast and hard into the station, that it dropped its load of equipment it had been carrying for a long time and been meaning to drop for a long time. If the engine had been able to pull out of station in time, Mrs. Engine would have taken the load off of him and swallowed it all. That children, is "**** Time." Don't forget to take these magical balloons before you leave.
WiseGuy79 14
Not bad 28... Could've sworn you were going to throw in a Thomas the Train reference as well lol
cookiemonster116 15
Couldn't you just use a cup or something...
kelsorg 21
at least she has a sense of humor? fyl, bad timing on her part though. (saying it while you were in listening distance)
shay_serendipity 29
and saying it when OP wasn't in hearing distance would make it okay?
kelsorg 21
no, but be honest we're all human. I'm sure quite a few people have said things that the person heard, and immediately felt stupid after. not like she can take back what she said and I didn't wanna just say sorry like everyone else. :p
CooperRage 13
Parents say things about their kids and to their kids all the time that can be seen as mean and awful. It's usually just a huge exaggeration like this situation likely is. And let's face it, we are all pretty much idiots and pains in the ass atleast at some points when we're kids. My personal favorite was when my dad said to us, "Should have fed you to the pigs when your bones were still soft." Awful if he truly meant it, but that was just my dad's sense of humor.
PapaSmash 14
Should tell her something's are best handled with care, because obviously her parents didn't handle too well considering the brain damage she has.
poppykorn 3
Lol and you should let her know (subtly would be ideal) that she's probably not the world's best mom. You're not alone on this. My mom once told my aunt that she should've stopped having children after she had my three older brothers (and this was because me and my younger brother were arguing like normal siblings do. We were like 11 and 6 at the time). But then when me and my parents went to go get counseling and I told the counselor that I don't like her and my dad rocks, she wants to sit there and cry cats and dogs out of her eyes. Bitch! You know your ass ain't supermom.
RedPillSucks 33
To be fair, 5 kids is a lot. It might not be that she had problems with you specifically, just with the number of kids. My mom always wanted a girl, so she kept trying. I can remember at age 12 praying that she'd have a girl because we didn't need any more children. Although I'm sure my mom loves us, I'm pretty sure that if the first kid was a girl, she'd be an only child. I know that in my own family, we wanted 3 kids until we had two.