Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML
Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend, "Actually, it's a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML
Today, I introduced my mom to my friend who performed the Heimlich maneuver on me when I was choking. She proceeded to loudly berate and chew him out, saying that he should have gotten an adult and could have hurt me. Now he won't talk to me and I'm grounded for calling her a cunt. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cwrocker 14
Wow, sorry OP sometimes parents speak before they think
mattiscg 22
some people shouldn't ever be parents.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
zahidnasir 22
SORRY OP ..just remember the good she had told about you in past
insane786 3
I can't click 'I agree. Ur life sucks'..cos if did suck..and she swallowed...well we wouldn't be commenting here
worldclassrager 41
I sure hope she just used you as an example not as a true statment
weveallbeenthere 30
maybe she was refering to your skills and happy that you don't have any unwanted pregnancies.
phoneaddict13 29
maybe she meant she wasn't ready to be a parent when she had you? just trying to look on the bright side..
njgohard 16
How is there even a YDI on this?
mt631 18
Trolls
TwentyFourBeerz 18
Don't feel bad, I was an oops baby too!!!!
ShowMeKay 20
An oops baby? Haha that's the first time I've heard that term for an unwanted pregnancy.
DylanHasClass 17
Well that's interesting
chosha_fml 27
Shouldn't that be that it's better to use a condom? It's not like spitting got her pregnant.
StickyPickles 33
The best part of you ran down your moms leg it would seem