Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML
Today, I went to the location of me and my wife’s first date, because I miss her, and barely get to see her because of our work schedules… Only to see her there on a date. FML
Today, I took a girl out on a date. We had dinner, we had good conversation, the vibe was excellent, and everything was great. I took her to a bar I frequent after for a couple of drinks to finish the night. She left with some other dude on his motorcycle. FML
Today, a girl I knew in high school who now lives out of state came to town to visit and stay over. We've been talking albeit romantically for the past few months. Not thirty minutes after we arrived at my place from the airport, her ex-boyfriend came by and she hopped in his car. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML
Today, after I got reacquainted with an old friend with whom it'd been 12 years since we last spoke, both divorced, with kids, we started talking, start feeling things for each other. We'd both agreed to take things slow. We spend an amazing weekend together, made plans to spend my birthday together, and then I was ghosted. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML
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Top comments
dani_fizzle 0
well that's what you get for calling you one of your old 'squeezes'
BarneyStinson_fml 0
Ah, yes this reminds me of the Lemon Law! Maybe a largely modified version of it, but it is good to see it in use! Or, wait for it... Perhaps, she really had some place else to be? Either way, this doesn't seem like such a bad thing, you were left single early enough to go out for a legendary night! Call up your wingman and suit up!
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Comments (18)
socialcookie123 0
what the hells a squeeze? WTF...
Church_Vii 4
A squeeze obviously referred to the oranges he dated and proceeded to engage in sexual activity with as his brain further crippled due to dementia.
pipc 10
"Old squeezes"? Perhaps if you didn't view her or consider her that way, she would've stayed longer. YDI
funturtle23 6
the depression
ThinkF4LL65 3
didnt get a whole alot of squeezing in that night i guess.
Purexinsanity 46
Take it as a hint and move on to the next one?
A07 48
Erm, squeeze?