Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML
Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, my cat had a long dingleberry hanging off his butt. He decided the best way to get rid of it was to freak out and run around the house, shaking shit everywhere. To make it worse, he then licked his still shit covered butt, made a face and promptly threw up. Guess my cat isn’t the brightest. FML
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Top comments
ChasinParkedCars 0
Nothing like pleasuring your pussy.
redbluegreen 40
What is it with animals, their rectums and this site? Time to break out the awkward turtle.
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Comments (208)
miaumiau 0
yeah this is just kind of sad. you shouldn't own a cat if you don't know how to take care of it. it doesn't take rocket science to know that cats purr when they are stressed and or in pain as well as when happy. these kinds of things can easily kill a cat. as others have said, you are lucky the cat isn't dead. our cat is a strictly indoor cat, so she can't get into anything outside. as far as inside goes, we know better than to leave things like that laying around. what's worse is that you thought it was humorous enough to post here. i hope you didn't just kill your cat.
rainbowpower 0
is this your way of making yourself better for being a pervert who likes beastuality
AshleyRose784 0
hope your cat's ok
Coocumber 0
You shouldn't have pulled it out, that's very dangerous for the cat. You're supposed to let it pass on its own and just cut it when its trailing too long
Stevieebabyy 0
Ew...
k_dej 0
gross...but i think i have a one up. my cat swallowed a 7 ft. long string, puked it up, had to get $200 x-rays, then it also came out the other end 3 hours later...this all started at 4 in the morning
jmeg_fml 0
Oh no, poor cat!!! :( I hope he's okay. #1, FUNNY.
thisissome 0
Studies have shown that some cats purr when they are really stressed as well. good job there.
livngood_fosho 0
congratulations
larsipoo 0
this isn't really a FML, but it's not YDI either. to be honest, it should be "**** my cat's life". 'Today, my owner had to pull three feet of partially digested plastic kite string out of my rectum, FML."