Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, I met my dad for first time in 22 years. He smoked a joint with me, showed me his plants, and gave me a bag of mushrooms. Every time I try and believe I'm not trash, the universe tells me different. FML
Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML
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Top comments
stevenJB 25
The hell does that mean? O.o
Pentium_4 27
Memnoch of Pleiades probably sounds much better when you're tripping on Acid
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Comments (75)
shawnaishere 14
Wonder what happen over the course of 6 months. Hopefully he doesn't get a wife that's your age.
ICastillo 25
Those damn freeloading hippies all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.
Trisha_aus 15
All right, I'm naming my first born that
thurjones 6
Is "snorting turds" some kind of new euphemism for doing bumps of heroin? Because it's brown?
Wolveslikepie 4
It's actually white as a powder, it just turns brown after its melted to be injected. not that I know this from experience or anything...
igive 29
"Drugs are bad, m'kay?"
thurjones 6
I'm pretty sure you don't need personal experience to know that the color of heroin varies widely, depending on where it's made, how it's made, and with what it's been cut. Pure powdered heroin is white. Stereotypical heroin is brown powder. There's tar from Mexico, but since this FML is posted from England, it's unlikely to be that. Almost as unlikely as someone's dad using heroin in an FML and having it be disguised with a distracting euphemism that no one understands. Source: I work in a strip club. All you need is Google, though.
kimg0885 23
Better than meta world peace I guess?
chowE_fml 4
Lol !
hockeyoceancity 13
Your profile picture makes what you said sound so much better lol.
ilovesuju 10
OP if your having family problems I feel bad for ya, I've got 99 problems but a hippie dad ain't one.
mhopper 13
Whatever happened to frequenting bars, hitting on younger women, and flashy sports cars?
igive 29
it's too mainstream.
weepingangel_fml 7
So he's been sticking poop up his nose??
kittenvks 11
You have pin pointed the problem 21!
Il_Maestro 6
Given his picture, I don't think 21 understands what the problem with that is.
BellaKeat 1
Be careful if he tells u to meet ur space brothers and sister
FarscapeSDC 9
Okay, I say this on a lot of FML's but, I despair for humanity when I read about people like this. He's either mentally unhinged, in which case you should get him psychiatric help; or he's an idiot that's been taken in by some crazy religious beliefs, in which case you should also get him psychiatric help.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
I despair more for humanity when people can't loosen the **** up.
esines 9
What kind of religion calls there people stuff like Memnoch of Pleaides. If I misspelled, my bad cause I can't see the FML while replying.
austin101123 3
Not psychiatric help. He needs to get weened off of it. I think snorting turds means doing meth. If so, he definitely needs to be weened off of it and kept under control and have lots of support. Going to a psychiatrist while you are on meth will do you nothing.
FarscapeSDC 9
Yeah, if he's on drugs, he needs rehab, then counselling.