Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML
Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML
Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating, and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of "setting her off", when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks." All I did was say the word "abortion." FML
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Today, I sneezed so bad in public that I dropped my coffee, kicked it while trying to catch it, and watched it slide dramatically across the floor into someone’s shoe. They gasped like I'd committed a crime. I just whispered, “Sorry” and fled. FML
Today, I sneezed while getting my keys from my pocket on the way to my front door, dropped them into a storm drain, and then had to explain to my landlord that my reason for needing the spare key was "seasonal allergies." FML
Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML
Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML
Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Xarin 0
Y'know, I'm Christian, and I love Jesus, and all that... But I just can't stand people like that...ugh
perfectwinds 0
Haha I love hyper religious customers. When one found out I was pregnant she literally reached across the desk, grabbed my head, and said "GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABY!" really loud. I couldn't stop laughing after she left.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (151)
calmthefuck_down 0
LMFAO
Schoolcraft 0
Wow, #136, that was a brilliant argument against abortion. Much applause. #134 made a great statement as well.
thepunisher_fml 0
that lady should go to hell
bigdawgandrew 0
When did you people ******* forget that evolution is a widely accepted practice and theory MAINLY because it actually shows HARD SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE, did you fools forget that the bible was a BOOK WRITTEN by a group of MEN who were obviously smoking some VERY STRONG DRUG, not saying that its not an accepted belief but i would rather believe something with promising evidence rather than a book written thousands of years ago by some delusional old men. AND IM A CHRISTIAN!!!! And this whole shit on bashing Obama, **** You Fools, Racists, Bigots. And Religion didnt cause many of the wars in History, IGNORANCE DID!!!!
G_Bug 0
Since when is sneezing a mistake lol aaaaaand if it were me in your situation I would've told her to take her hooplah else where.
master_fml 0
i would of played along with it for a little just say "when jesus comes he'll finally get rid of the jews and the blacks." then just point at her face and start laughing ur ass off. atheism ftw
anna_3911 0
i've been wondering how to respond to this fml the entire way through reading the comments. and i think #134 summed up everything i wanted to say. to clarify something else, not all those who are christians or even religious are crazy zealots out to annoy others into a belief. you're all welcome to "annoy" us with yours. we'd love to talk.
roundyswater 0
#140, How can you discredit the Bible and be Christian? Unless you only discredit certain parts of it as allegories, I don't understand. Also, everyone who disagrees with Obama is not racist. Maybe I missed some of the moderated comments, but no one has said anything racist here. I agree with you about your last statement though, except it has caused many, but the other commenter (too lazy to find the number) was wrong in saying that all violence is created by religion. That's absurd, unfounded, and ignorant.
goose0102 0
GO OBAMAAAA 8)
lovedrug102 0
WOW... #140.. How can anyone who thinks the Bible was written by a bunch of high old men and that it holds no relevance or authority today be a Christian? I don't care how you justify it, you're not. So stop using that title so the rest of us look as stupid as you. I agree completely with #144. I am so sick of everyone treating Obama like he is the end-all be-all of human existence. It is great that he is the first black man to be president, that is amazing and commendable and super admirable, however him being black or other candidates and presidents being white has NOTHING TO DO WITH POLITCS. Maybe if people didn't get so caught up on his skin color then they would have been smart enough to vote for the BEST candidate, and realize how unrealistic and dangerous his policies are given the economy. But I seriously just CANNOT understand how your mind works... it blows me away that someone can actually call themselves a Christian and deny the Bible of it's authority. By the way, do some research on evolution. Last time I checked it was a theory, a theory that was being more and more disproved each year. Read a book.