Love and Health: Today, my boyfriend told me that we can’t be together because... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 312

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 126

24/12/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that we can’t be together because I’m not the person he fell in love with since I don’t do anything all day. I’m 6 months pregnant and on bed rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 553

You deserved it 431

Dysfunctional

You tried

There's no helping some people

22/04/2011 05:08

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 863

You deserved it 22 661

27/12/2011 21:50

Spicy

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 993

You deserved it 8 840

06/12/2011 08:57

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 763

You deserved it 2 091

06/11/2010 23:56

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 568

You deserved it 2 928

22/11/2009 04:12

Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 707

You deserved it 3 949

30/06/2019 00:30

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 323

15/08/2011 23:09

Today, my mom threw out years worth of trophies that I'd put tons of effort into earning. Her reason? They all looked the same to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 021

You deserved it 2 552

23/05/2016 15:57

Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 926

You deserved it 2 296

06/11/2012 05:15

Spicy

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 46 615

20/12/2009 11:03

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 35 783

18/07/2009 23:31

Spicy

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 270

You deserved it 13 972

23/08/2012 16:14

Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 683

You deserved it 1 935

23/02/2013 06:28

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 3 429

19/01/2011 06:27

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 10 178

19/11/2009 14:37

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 802

You deserved it 4 484

03/03/2009 21:27

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 578

You deserved it 43 687

07/04/2011 17:30

Spicy

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 503

You deserved it 3 513

19/02/2009 21:47

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 274

You deserved it 3 744

22/02/2017 04:00

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 829

You deserved it 1 305

02/01/2013 10:31

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 270

You deserved it 2 300

06/09/2016 13:36

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 340

You deserved it 959

27/04/2009 12:52

Today, I brought back the puppy I adopted for my family. I spent months doing all the research on puppy care with two young children, and at least five hundred dollars for the dog, the supplies, toys... the whole bit. Turns out everyone's allergic to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 964

You deserved it 8 461

30/07/2012 03:24

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 061

You deserved it 5 768

19/12/2011 18:01

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 259

You deserved it 3 378

22/05/2013 17:40

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 479

You deserved it 13 956

07/11/2009 05:36

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 857

You deserved it 2 452

12/11/2009 21:37

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 212

You deserved it 4 448

16/03/2009 09:55

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 69 174

17/08/2011 00:05

Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 2 778

31/07/2009 21:12

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 660

You deserved it 70 509

30/11/2013 20:29

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 876

You deserved it 5 463

23/12/2012 05:01

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 740

You deserved it 7 897

18/05/2011 07:26

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 302

You deserved it 9 298

20/04/2011 15:25

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 124

You deserved it 4 716

24/06/2014 18:38

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 464

You deserved it 5 547

18/09/2013 08:46

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 855

You deserved it 67 925

28/03/2011 07:37

Today, while driving, I got a call on my cell phone. Trying to be safe and avoid an accident, I pulled into the nearest parking lot before answering. While I was turning in to park, someone rear-ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 4 133

Issues

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 143

05/02/2009 13:23

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 410

You deserved it 16 504

05/11/2009 15:26

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 973

You deserved it 3 270

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Sunday 24 December 2017 15:11

Weird, you're pregnant but he's got the mood swings? Something doesn't sound right.

onceuponatime456 16

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Sunday 24 December 2017 15:36

You are in a tough situation but it is better that you know how much of a loser he is! Tell him to get lost and then make sure you go to court for child support!

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Sunday 24 December 2017 15:11

Weird, you're pregnant but he's got the mood swings? Something doesn't sound right.

onceuponatime456 16

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Sunday 24 December 2017 15:36

You are in a tough situation but it is better that you know how much of a loser he is! Tell him to get lost and then make sure you go to court for child support!

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Sunday 24 December 2017 22:58

Are you actually RichardPencil and this is your new account because you were constantly down-voted every day?

onceuponatime456 16

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Monday 25 December 2017 18:27

Nope!

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Sunday 24 December 2017 15:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

jbuckets_404 38

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Sunday 24 December 2017 16:59

Adoption!!!

FueledbyCookies 15

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Monday 25 December 2017 2:31

First of all, she's six months along, you creep. That's not a good time to have an abortion. Second of all, don't tell a woman what to do. Who are you to declare how a woman's pregnancy should go? Lots of women have difficult pregnancies, and they love their kids just as much as they would if the pregnancy had gone smoothly. She knows what is best for herself. Don't take it upon yourself to decide what to do with her body and child.

Liongoddess8 18

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Friday 29 December 2017 1:08

It's illegal to get an abortion at 6 months...

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Sunday 24 December 2017 17:06

He is an ass, he clearly doesn’t understand something

Jurbla 14

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Sunday 24 December 2017 18:37

This reads to me an awful lot like he's terrified of the level of commitment this relationship was about to enter and just used an excuse to go full scum bag, bail and leave you with the responsibilities I'm assuming he helped create. You might be surprised at the gold medal worthy mental gymnastics people do to justify their position when they're scared of something.

Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16

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Sunday 24 December 2017 20:48

Today I grew a LUNG and your complaining about me not doing anything? What exactly did you do with your day that’s comparable.

tatsnstilettos 3

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Monday 25 December 2017 2:10

Exactlyyyyy!!!!!

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Sunday 24 December 2017 23:01

He is being a total asshole, but what he's feeling is something men go through while their SO's are pregnant/have babies. Tell him to go to, or go together to a therapist. It's a life changing event and I think he's scared what to expect. Give it a try, and if he still talks that way, you may need to let him go. Good luck to the both of you!

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Monday 25 December 2017 0:27

is it even his kid ?!?!

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Monday 25 December 2017 4:45

I'm sure there will be just as bull an excuse when he has to pay child support.

simcityguy09 19

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Monday 25 December 2017 5:26

Hun, you’re better off without him then. He sounds like a dirtbag.