Transportation: Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off...

By UnluckyReporter - 17/02/2016 06:35 - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 194

You deserved it 2 915

Transportation

Hiding from the drama

Sorry…

Haircut, haiiiiiirccuuuuuut

By AbsolutelyEffed - 19/02/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 045

You deserved it 30 463

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 468

You deserved it 4 676

One law for thee…

By Jules - 03/03/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my country’s health minister said on TV, "Stay home! Don’t travel, don’t meet people!" The same evening, he drove to another state to have dinner with a group of people who gave money to his political party. He had taken a COVID test before. It came back positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 100

By HoboWithACondom - 31/08/2019 16:01

Today, my boss fired me because he found out I'm dating his daughter. Now I'm concerned what he might do if he finds out she's pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 717

By AbFlab - 01/06/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 738

You deserved it 5 200

Fartmageddon.

By dusty bean - 18/11/2017 05:00

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 644

You deserved it 586

By crippled shopper - 27/01/2013 05:23 - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 286

You deserved it 4 685

By Anonymous - 17/07/2014 02:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 208

You deserved it 4 782

Scraping by

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 000

You deserved it 4 982

By areyouserious - 29/02/2012 10:36 - United States

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 513

You deserved it 37 099

Spreading it around

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 14:00

Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 220

By s0728 - 01/09/2014 21:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 502

You deserved it 3 291

By AnonWife - 22/01/2014 01:16 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 241

You deserved it 9 396

By Burnt - 02/05/2011 09:33 - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 741

You deserved it 60 884

By Anonymous - 17/06/2010 22:56 - United States

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 209

You deserved it 15 925

By nabru - 06/07/2018 15:00

Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because "I'm not paid to automate stuff, I'm paid to work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 670

You deserved it 288

By aabadaba - 01/04/2013 05:23 - United States - La Mirada

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 384

You deserved it 4 621

By firedlol - 02/08/2018 19:00

Today, I accidentally showed up 5 minutes late for my shift. My boss mercifully declared that I would not be fired if I called my mother and told her I love her. My mom died 11 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 934

You deserved it 230

By James - 05/11/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 970

You deserved it 2 794

By Workplace woes - 12/05/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 089

You deserved it 1 005

By this sucks - 05/08/2013 04:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 054

You deserved it 9 797

By rebekah - 03/04/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 074

You deserved it 76 878

By Ciabatta - 20/11/2008 11:10 - France

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 238

You deserved it 3 427

By carnivore - 22/09/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 474

You deserved it 5 876

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 448

You deserved it 3 848

By musicalkitcat - 05/10/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 977

You deserved it 3 346

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 101

You deserved it 2 830

By anonymous - 22/12/2017 15:00

Today, I took the bus home after visiting a friend. Standing in front of my house, I realized that I had forgotten my keys. They were still in my car, which I had parked at my friend's place and forgotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 3 409

By greenchan - 25/02/2011 05:12 - United States

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 147

You deserved it 20 879

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 518

You deserved it 2 403

By Iknowitlooksbad - 22/06/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 365

You deserved it 2 842

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 711

You deserved it 306

By DQB - 24/05/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 095

You deserved it 61 808

By GreenScar - 11/03/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 715

You deserved it 5 613

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 23:00 - United States - Marlton

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 421

You deserved it 3 955

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 927

You deserved it 24 545

Welcome to capitalism, baby

By Larissa E. Royster - 26/09/2021 17:00

Today, after spending months building my boss 3 websites and finishing them, I was fired via a short email, saying she didn't need my help anymore. I only worked for her for 3 months, so basically I stopped being useful when I finished her websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 73

By heymacie - 19/02/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 941

You deserved it 38 110

By anonymous - 22/04/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 6 854

Private Freakout

By Roida - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 304

You deserved it 2 707

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Ramb0 20

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Wednesday 17 February 2016 18:00

Irony at its finest.

jake131000 21

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Wednesday 17 February 2016 18:05

This contributes to your ethos and will make a credible reporter!

Ramb0 20

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Wednesday 17 February 2016 18:00

Irony at its finest.

abbyade 21

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Wednesday 17 February 2016 18:03

The irony!! I hope you are ok OP

jake131000 21

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Wednesday 17 February 2016 18:05

This contributes to your ethos and will make a credible reporter!

pasupathymuthu 16

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Wednesday 17 February 2016 18:05

You have a "first hand" report. This is top class journalism!!

TheNewGuy03 28

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Thursday 18 February 2016 2:58

[points to car in the background] "...and here, you can see the smoldering ruins of my car in a ditch. Everyone, drive safely, and be careful of black ice."