Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML
Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
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Top comments
MrXerxes5 6
Congratulations! Your Parrot has learned Peck!
llamalover96 0
the horror :o
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Comments (88)
The__Redneck 7
It's time for the parrot to learn that frying pans can hurt.
jcbspence 0
Send a message to your sister a knife through the bird on her wall withe the bill for the stitches next to it
MEXIKANO 0
My fronds parrot bit me and i got angry and sliced the birds neck with my my knife
HunterAlpha1 8
Problem: asshole parrot. Solution: parrot for for dinner.
Ciuby09 2
Next lesson: Parrot nuggets
heath_v 8
ugh I know what you mean. my roommate has birds and they fly at my head all the time. sorry about the stitches! maybe you can teach it a bad phrase and your sister will have to get rid of it
that_suckz_ALOT 0
we probably read the same website article.... :P haha
KatieKarnival 0
I am the 6,666 person to rate this as: I agree, your life sucks.
DirtyJerzey8083 7
I ******* hate birds
LaGriffonne 3
This is why you shouldn't buy a large parrots unless the whole household have some clue on how to handle it. If it's new, it shouldn't have been outside his cage until he's used to his new house. If it's terrified it's going to lash out at the first thing that get too close. People know shit about the bird they buy them blame the animal when things go wrong. YDI do some research next time your family acquire a pet.