Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML
Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
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Top comments
MrXerxes5 6
Congratulations! Your Parrot has learned Peck!
llamalover96 0
the horror :o
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Comments (88)
zano74 0
fun stuff
Fatal_rei 3
How close were you to its perch that it attacked you? Unless the thing just decided to attack. Either way, that sucks
UndeRgroUnd206 4
That parrot needs to learn what a busted beak feels like jkjk
BighornB 0
Time for a little hot wings parrot style
loserman67 36
You - "Polly want a cracker?" Parrot - "Brawwwwk - **** the cracker, Polly wants to cut your ass!" Sister - "Where's my parrot?" You - "Marinating in the fridge." Crack his ******* beak off - he'll learn
SighOfTheWorld 7
If she just got the parrot, it needs time to adjust to its new home and to the people in it. The parrot should be kept in a cage in a quieter area until it is calmer and ready to socialize. That way, you can just talk to it (don't get too close - parrots are big on "personal space" at first, and the cage helps to provide these boundaries and protect you!) and let it get to know you. It may never let you touch it or get too close to it as birds tend to only like one person (the parrot will probably get attached to your sister), but this should eventually help lower its aggression. There seem to be a lot of FMLs and nasty comments about birds because people don't understand their nature and behavior...OPs should do some research or just ask a bird owner, commenters should keep their filthy mouths shut. Grow up.
DocBastard 40
Ooooooooooor people just shouldn't keep nasty, territorial, dangerous animals as pets and expect that their wild nature will be tamed. Just a thought.
SighOfTheWorld 7
Ooooooor you can use your brain and not be so quick to blame the bird- the bird is probably frightened and on edge right now. Parrots are intelligent and can be tamed, and make wonderful pets once they are trained. Same as a dog or any other animal. You just have to do some research and learn how to properly introduce a new bird to your house.
DocBastard 40
When did I blame the bird for anything? I merely stated that it is nasty, territorial, and dangerous. You can also train a tiger. Does that make it a good pet? "commenters should keep their filthy mouths shut." Sounds like the bird isn't the only nasty thing around here...
emerluvsu 6
I'm just wondering why it wasn't in a cage. Why was a huge-ass new bird given the run of the place?
ShyAnn29 15
Birds can just be mean sometimes, and if it is a new bird, OP does need to let him/her get used to it's home, I have 2 birds who I love, but they sure can frustrate me sometimes! And it hurts like hell when they bite!!!
SighOfTheWorld 7
Exactly...if given a cage, that cage becomes its home and it will be less territorial of the area outside. No cage ---> the whole house becomes the parrot's property and you're more likely to be attacked because you're on the parrot's turf :) but then your sister has to be careful going in its cage. My bird gets very upset when I have to go in his cage because he feels his space is invaded, so I make sure he's out of the cage playing beforehand. He loves his cage and goes in there by himself when he wants to feel safe. Oh...another thing OP can do is cover part of the cage or put it in a corner so the bird feels more protected. I wonder what type of bird the OP's sister has. I have a cockatiel - small but very temperamental species.
leadman1989 16
Pissed parrot punctures persons perineum. Screw puns alliteration is where it's at!
Okayitwasme 0
I have a parrot and they are 1 person birds. (most of them any ways) oh ya they are also Territorial, so watch out walking too close to the cage. Some times they will tolerate others, If it gets lots of attention. If she got it from a pet store really watch out because they HATE it when kids put their fingers through the cage! Territorial!
Portalcc 4
My cousin has a parrot. I hate the damn thing.
mcdeltaT 2
Maybe you should have been more considerate to the parrot