Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML
Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
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Top comments
MrXerxes5 6
Congratulations! Your Parrot has learned Peck!
llamalover96 0
the horror :o
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Comments (88)
Insane_Tea 15
OP:"Bad parrot!" Bad Ass Porrot:*Sqauwk!* "Bring it bitch!"
SirSquishyPants 1
Buy a cat, a big cat, Like a tiger, all the cool kids are doing it
panvicka 16
oh come on, it was just showing you its love!
FYLDeep 26
Some animals are very territorial. people may think it's instinctual, but I'm starting to think they're just assholes.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Op fainted... Op was rushes to the pokemon center...
PYLrulz 17
Polly wanna open a can of whoop ass?!?
underguarded 20
Punch that parrot in the face and show them who's the boss!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Because nothing is better than harming someone elses pet in an act of animal abuse.
marpay 11
The a teen- it's an act of self defense. The bird already took first blood op has no choice but to fight back or be his prison bitch.
Daralea 21
So pretty much any actions taken to correct its behaviour is seen as abuse? Sorry, but if it was a dog, it would have been put down.
underguarded 20
Btw this is a joke. Learn the difference between animal abuse And humor. No animals were harmed in the typing of this comment.
RokNRoll11 9
Angry Birds! Duck and cover!
Poetaster 10
Fire up the barbecue outside the birds window. Cook Up some full chicken. Visuals help sometimes.
chane1100 6
Mmm tastes like chicken:) real shame that bird died;P