Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I are so close that we share everything. This now includes his head lice. Thanks, dude. FML
Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML
Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML
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Top comments
seeoseek 18
Ewwww nasty!!
isallwaysme 27
That's damnruff (horrible pun over)
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Comments (128)
slmchicd12 23
Lice would be a deal breaker. That's extremely unhygienic.
CharresBarkrey 16
Lice don't like dirty hair, they like clean hair. Also, it's incredibly contagious. It's unhygienic in the same way catching the chicken pox would be.
akiahara 14
It's just like catching a cold from someone. The cleanest kid could end up with lice, it's not restricted to dirty little bastards.
surfergirl72 7
#18, Lice prefer clean hair. Easier to move around and lay their eggs. Dirty hair is like driving on a dirty highway. Lice sucks. But it happens. OP, go buy treatment YESTERDAY!!!!!!
perdix 31
You could give him Head 'n Shoulders. If you're on a tight budget, you can leave out the Shoulders.
sugarshane007 20
Don't judge perdix. Some people like getting a little shoulder from time to time.
Albanic 7
**Barf!!!**
sugarshane007 20
I followed you on that until you sullied your comment with Beiber and Twilight. Those two things have no place on FML. Please leave now, and you will be required to turn in your badges at the front desk. Thank you.
jessi_sunshine 26
28 - Maybe it's just me, but I kind of thought that EC and JB were thrown in there because they're as revolting as the others.
sugarshane007 20
31- Bull dung is still a higher ranking than they deserve. However, I will give you credit for a nice try. 37- Nope, they are more revolting. Clearly, you've never had to truly experience Beiber. Those scars do not heal.
buddy51 23
OP- Your FML made me throw up in my mouth a little- I'd suggest a sheep dip for your louse-y boy friend before you get to second base- who knows what you'll find after you slurp up the chocolate knob-syrup if you don't full body dip him first!! Word to the wise, fumigate him before you fornicate!!
kremmel 12
Five lice crawling onto your hand is extremely unlikely; they're attached little *******. Good luck with this guy- lice are the ******* devil.
wannabesinger 16
Thank you! I was unfortunate enough to have lice a few times in my childhood and only ONCE did I have a louse come out under my fingernail from scratching. Sorry, I don't believe this FML.
lholmes4108 3
Actually, when lice have been there for a prolonged period that get bigger and the bugs actually crawl around and can definitely crawl off into your hand. I've seen it first-hand. and yes, it's absolutely disgusting!
Nydeira 11
Ewww.He needs to hit that mane n tail antidandruff shampoo.
TheFirstSamurai 18
Man the sudden change of tone really took me by surprise, kudos on the wording of this FML.
laden_swallow09 35
Shampooing would be too easy! Give that guy a monkey; they'll be his personal de-licer!
perdix 31
If he's got all that vermin and detritus on his head, we can only imagine the pestilence in his pants!
perdix 31
#56, huh? I wasn't paying attention, I was daydreaming about forming a band called Pestilience in the Pants. Does anyone out there play instruments? My role in the band would to sit in a recliner on the side of the stage and type sarcastic comments about the show, the audience and my fellow bandmates to be shown on the Jumbotron above the stage. Who's in? World tour!
upallnight11 19
At least he's gorgeous. Still not acceptable though.
garrett1999o3 16
Not Acceptble?uh...#35,just because she got some lice doesn't mean she's gonna break-up with him.Honestly,when has someone ever broke someone up for lice?
upallnight11 19
My comment doesn't say OP is going to break up with her boyfriend so... By the way her boyfriend had lice not OP