By fmylife7721 - 03/07/2011 05:51 - Canada

Spicy
Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML
I agree, your life sucks 16 820
You deserved it 47 671

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Top comments

stop putting cum on your face then

At least you can start your own business now. Proactiv 2: Ingredients Unknown.

Comments

I suck :L

I think they're talking about masturbation here not blowjobs

really ? first comment and you put that ? how original....

your girlfreind just owned your ass. I like her, you make a dumb comment and she got you. sucks to be you aha. and it doesn't kill acne so stop rubbing it on your face OP. however it does help whiten teeth.. for those of you who care

stop rating on the first commenter we all know you're envy him

well at least you don't have acne ..right? o.o

you got owned. and it doesn't help with acne but it does help whiten teeth and loosen plaque. my dentist told me this. he applies some to my teeth after every check up and he says once daily will make your teeth super white :)

i think its time to sue your dentist lol

ya my orthodontist once gave me sperm flavored rubber bands. it made all my food a little saltier.

Sure sounds like a STICKY situation! that was nasty...

Good joke gone bad.

Woah ! Now U Kno Who Nt To Joke Around With

Look on the bright side, all of her friends will give blow jobs to you if they get a pimple!

why would I sue my dentist for whitening my teeth for free? it's a valid method. and hey, if you can't find any you could always use your own!

Maybe he gets "facials"

103- or i could always use yours. . . .

sure 120 i have lots to go around

WTF?!? I didn't know it does that?!?

that's a little disturbing but cool, I do hope it's not his though

Jammy01jams 2

You all do realize someone has read all of this and did not get the joke... what this means is thy someone is now rubbing their own sperm on both their face and teeth... -_- Excellent... :D

it's nice right? very relaxing

103- are u being serious about that ur dentist does that?...

...And she jokingly texted all her friends about your failed attempt to get a blowjob,right?

208: are you seriously asking that?

that bitch should be introduced to the back hand, good ol 40's

220- well the way she says it makes me believe it -.- and u never know might be some fucked up dentist out there

226 - No. There is no "fucked up dentist" who gives his customers facials.

231- secret porn star dentist :L

What goes around, cums around.

stop putting cum on your face then

It burns if it gets in your eyes though dude.

Why didn't I think of that?

hey jesus u got a beard right? wouldnt it get stuck in that? cumbeard.

it's ok guys I didn't think of that ever I still do the same thing. it does help really well with oily skin it clears them zits right up. it also has those scrubin beads that get into the pores for blackheads it does wonders ooooo

Flockz, I'm Jesus. I found a way to keep my beard from getting sticky. I turn the jizz that touches my beard into shampoo.

i would love to tussle that beard.

It's waiting for you man. And it's horny.

Carefull, your beard might get pink eye.

pinkeye is from getting bacteria from the anus in your eye, most commonly from someone sitting or farting on a pillow. also, last time I checked beards don't have eyes :/ maybe jesus' does tho

70 then how come you didn't find out about closing your eyes.

122-Because I was enjoying a nice Kids Cuisine at the time.

Chuck Norris has a fist in his beard.

No, that's Chucks Norris. =]

um heyy 67 why does y'all have a picture of me as your picture and I'm sorry y'all I got off subject anyways this fml is just nasty!

hey 216 why don't you come up with someone not in use I've had him for a while so your out of luck

Yeah OP can come on mine instead ;) haha

well 230 I have been on this site for a long time but I just finally verified this account and you please don't start anything cause I don't like to fight well I'm going to go cause jeffrey just got here

ok 243 we already have the family guys personnel taken care of I'm on the thing where mr Herbert announced the official guys so have a nice day and please pick a new guy

I'm not going to fight with you I don't like to fight with y'all I've been here for a long long time and I'm more official than you I'm sorry you can pick a new account I'm sorry for the inconvenience thank you goodbye.

should of told her regardless of how I got rid of mine, it's how we're going to get rid of your...

"see? works wonders! your turn now..."

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

that wasn't funny at all. that was more of an insult towards the person dating her aswell then

Yeah man, you tell her friends that she's anorexic!

and bipolar and secretly has aides

aides? like personal assistants?

47, it's AIDS, not aides.

Lmfao! Damn. Guess you have a story to tell now.

haha yeah that will be interesting when you try to explain it to other people

This plan backfired on the OP.

No, just owned. Stop using pwned wrong.

At least you can start your own business now. Proactiv 2: Ingredients Unknown.

Will there be a market for that? I'm sure girls wouldn't have trouble getting that stuff for free.(:

Oops, I missed the ingredients "known" part. Very wise!

Can I be your first customer? Or I can work for the company and help make it. I'll enjoy making it more than buying it. 8)

Are you sure you want to work for that company? It sounds like hard work! *** I see you fixed your name.(:

Our motto is "a little bit of excitement in every bottle". We are hiring now at 1-800-DirectSperm. The product is actually endorsed by Justin Bieber if you can believe it!

I thought balls needed to drop in order to product sperm. Dammit! Now, I understand why my bottle only had peach fuzz ball sweat!

... Sometimes, only my picture can explain hiw I feel. Other times, it's the exact opposite. This is one of those times.

not that bieber helps produce it but loves working it into his skin! and hands.. and well you get the picture.

Sassy, how'd you change your name man? I'd like to know if it didn't involve making a new profile.

156 Sirin asked if I wanted it changed and she changed it. That's why I don't fuck with admin.

Thanks for the crate of vodka and fine cigars, MrSassypants. Very considerate of you indeed.

Sure and if you need help with drinking the vodka we would drink together! I promise if I get a little tipsy I will not under any circumstance take advantage of myself. Oh how I love lying. They say my pants will catch on fire but my pants are to sassy. 8)

Shit did I type that? Thanks Sirin!

why would you tell someone that?

why not? he was just kidding around. I've had a boy friend try to convince me swallowing is healthy for your skin it keeps wrinkles away.

cuz at first glance its funny then it spirals down into a deppressing void of death and anguish :D

well is it healthy for the skin? lol

My impression was that he told her that in an effort to persuade her to let him (how to put this delicately...) finish on her face. "Hey, there are proven scientific benefits! It'll help with your acne problem!"

kidding... yea telling people putting cum on their face is hilarious

u wanna find out for urself

what a bitch you should break up with her because she could do more stuff like that which could hurt you in the future and get you in trouble just sayin

or you could not make a dumb joke and set her up to get you back? it's funny and he deserves it

Sheesh, lol. Calm down.

you probably don't have a boyfriend can't take a joke like that. guys joke like that all the time. lighten up a little will ya?

you maam have no common sense

wow if I were a guy I would hate to be your boyfriend can you take a joke

108... you are hot

wtf? that made no sense. wrong FML?

Spare #12 guys, she's just 14.

Well I'm 14 and #12 is mindless to me :P I don't even think they read the FML correctly or something..