Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML
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By
JDFromSac
| 0
stop putting cum on your face then
By
iAmScrubs
| 19
At least you can start your own business now. Proactiv 2: Ingredients Unknown.
COMMENTS
By
Bluesheep_fml
| 4
I suck :L
Reply
OMGIFOUNDWALDO
| 6
I think they're talking about masturbation here not blowjobs
Reply
jmtmxer
| 0
really ? first comment and you put that ? how original....
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
your girlfreind just owned your ass. I like
her, you make a dumb comment and she got you. sucks to be you aha. and it doesn't kill acne so stop rubbing it on your face OP.
however it does help whiten teeth.. for those
of you who care
her, you make a dumb comment and she got you. sucks to be you aha. and it doesn't kill acne so stop rubbing it on your face OP.
however it does help whiten teeth.. for those
of you who care
Reply
tpreston
| 0
stop rating on the first commenter we all know you're envy him
Reply
laurenv20
| 4
well at least you don't have acne ..right? o.o
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dolphincheddar
| 10
you got owned. and it doesn't help with acne but it does help whiten teeth and loosen plaque. my dentist told me this. he applies some to my teeth after every check up and he says once daily will make your teeth super white :)
Reply
genesisnirvana
| 11
i think its time to sue your dentist lol
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flockz
| 19
ya my orthodontist once gave me sperm flavored rubber bands. it made all my food a little saltier.
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OWNZ
| 0
Sure sounds like a STICKY situation!
that was nasty...
that was nasty...
Reply
KingGeorgeGal
| 12
Good joke gone bad.
Reply
tootsie5790
| 0
Woah ! Now U Kno Who Nt
To Joke Around With
To Joke Around With
Reply
Iamnotmyself
| 17
Look on the bright side, all of her friends will give blow jobs to you if they get a pimple!
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
why would I sue my dentist for whitening my
teeth for free? it's a valid method. and hey, if you can't find any you could always use your
own!
teeth for free? it's a valid method. and hey, if you can't find any you could always use your
own!
Reply
BaconDave
| 12
Maybe he gets "facials"
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genesisnirvana
| 11
103- or i could always use yours. . . .
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
sure 120 i have lots to go around
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JokinglySerious
| 0
WTF?!? I didn't know it does that?!?
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WOTM
| 0
that's a little disturbing but cool, I do hope it's not his though
Reply
Jammy01jams
| 2
You all do realize someone has read all of this and did not get the joke... what this means is thy someone is now rubbing their own sperm on both their face and teeth... -_- Excellent... :D
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
it's nice right? very relaxing
Reply
Xx_Dakota_xX
| 1
103- are u being serious about that ur dentist does that?...
Reply
senseisuncommon
| 7
...And she jokingly texted all her friends about your failed attempt to get a blowjob,right?
Reply
PageantGirlXOXO
| 16
208: are you seriously asking that?
Reply
cenax27
| 0
that bitch should be introduced to the back hand, good ol 40's
Reply
Xx_Dakota_xX
| 1
220- well the way she says it makes me believe it -.- and u never know might be some fucked up dentist out there
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BaconDave
| 12
226 - No. There is no "fucked up dentist" who gives his customers facials.
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Xx_Dakota_xX
| 1
231- secret porn star dentist :L
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BaconDave
| 12
Kinky, but no.
Reply
iluvboobies
| 9
What goes around, cums around.
By
JDFromSac
| 0
stop putting cum on your face then
Reply
JesusFishTaco
| 5
It burns if it gets in your eyes though dude.
Reply
JesusFishTaco
| 5
Why didn't I think of that?
Reply
flockz
| 19
hey jesus u got a beard right? wouldnt it get stuck in that? cumbeard.
Reply
hook_em
| 0
it's ok guys I didn't think of that ever I still
do the same thing. it does help really well with oily skin it clears them zits right up. it also has those scrubin beads that get into the pores for blackheads it does wonders ooooo
do the same thing. it does help really well with oily skin it clears them zits right up. it also has those scrubin beads that get into the pores for blackheads it does wonders ooooo
Reply
JesusFishTaco
| 5
Flockz, I'm Jesus. I found a way to keep my beard from getting sticky. I turn the jizz that touches my beard into shampoo.
Reply
flockz
| 19
i would love to tussle that beard.
Reply
JesusFishTaco
| 5
It's waiting for you man. And it's horny.
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deathmetalkill
| 3
Carefull, your beard might get pink eye.
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
pinkeye is from getting bacteria from the anus in your eye, most commonly from someone sitting or farting on a pillow. also, last time I checked beards don't have eyes :/ maybe jesus' does tho
Reply
MrSassypants
| 32
70 then how come you didn't find out about closing your eyes.
Reply
JesusFishTaco
| 5
122-Because I was enjoying a nice Kids Cuisine at the time.
Reply
theaws0m3guy
| 4
Chuck Norris has a fist in his beard.
Reply
PsychoNinjaDuck
| 0
No, that's Chucks Norris. =]
Reply
TheRealBruce
| 12
um heyy 67 why does y'all have a picture of me as your picture and I'm sorry y'all I got off subject anyways this fml is just nasty!
Reply
hook_em
| 0
hey 216 why don't you come up with someone not in use I've had him for a while so your out of luck
Reply
englishhottiexx
| 0
Yeah OP can come on mine instead ;) haha
Reply
TheRealBruce
| 12
well 230 I have been on this site for a long time but I just finally verified this account and you please don't start anything cause I don't like to fight well I'm going to go cause jeffrey just got here
Reply
hook_em
| 0
ok 243 we already have the family guys personnel taken care of I'm on the thing where mr Herbert announced the official guys so have a nice day and please pick a new guy
Reply
TheRealBruce
| 12
I'm not going to fight with you I don't like to fight with y'all I've been here for a long long time and I'm more official than you I'm sorry you can pick a new account I'm sorry for the inconvenience thank you goodbye.
By
hateplow
| 3
owned
Reply
ImaWiseGuy
| 5
should of told her regardless of how I got rid of mine, it's how we're going to get rid of your...
Reply
hexblot
| 10
"see? works wonders! your turn now..."
By
kennyisboss
| 0
Too many negative votes, comment buried.
Show the comment
Reply
taytoc
| 10
that wasn't funny at all. that was more of an insult towards the person dating her aswell then
Reply
seanders
| 10
Yeah man, you tell her friends that she's anorexic!
Reply
hydef14
| 2
and bipolar and secretly has aides
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spacemanspiff78
| 7
aides? like personal assistants?
Reply
mooshibear140
| 4
47, it's AIDS, not aides.
By
HeyMrsWest
| 2
Lmfao! Damn. Guess you have a story to tell now.
Reply
samanthanicolee
| 0
haha yeah that will be interesting when you try to explain it to other people
Reply
mahomie97
| 7
AGREEED(:
By
NomOnShroomz
| 14
pwned
Reply
yoimtrollin
| 24
well said.
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
This plan backfired on the OP.
Reply
grumpybarista
| 0
No, just owned. Stop using pwned wrong.
By
iAmScrubs
| 19
At least you can start your own business now. Proactiv 2: Ingredients Unknown.
Reply
sourgirl101
| 28
Will there be a market for that? I'm sure girls wouldn't have trouble getting that stuff for free.(:
Reply
sourgirl101
| 28
Oops, I missed the ingredients "known" part. Very wise!
Reply
daBeast155
| 0
the uggos will
Reply
MrSassypants
| 32
Can I be your first customer? Or I can work for the company and help make it. I'll enjoy making it more than buying it. 8)
Reply
sourgirl101
| 28
Are you sure you want to work for that company? It sounds like hard work!
*** I see you fixed your name.(:
*** I see you fixed your name.(:
Reply
iAmScrubs
| 19
Our motto is "a little bit of excitement in every bottle". We are hiring now at 1-800-DirectSperm. The product is actually endorsed by Justin Bieber if you can believe it!
Reply
sourgirl101
| 28
I thought balls needed to drop in order to product sperm. Dammit! Now, I understand why my bottle only had peach fuzz ball sweat!
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
... Sometimes, only my picture can explain hiw I feel. Other times, it's the exact opposite. This is one of those times.
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
u no gusta?
Reply
jewknowit710
| 2
not that bieber helps produce it but loves working it into his skin! and hands.. and well you get the picture.
Reply
Siji
| 0
Sassy, how'd you change your name man?
I'd like to know if it didn't involve making a new profile.
I'd like to know if it didn't involve making a new profile.
Reply
MrSassypants
| 32
156 Sirin asked if I wanted it changed and she changed it. That's why I don't fuck with admin.
Reply
Sirin_fml
| 46
Thanks for the crate of vodka and fine cigars, MrSassypants. Very considerate of you indeed.
Reply
MrSassypants
| 32
Sure and if you need help with drinking the vodka we would drink together! I promise if I get a little tipsy I will not under any circumstance take advantage of myself.
Oh how I love lying. They say my pants will catch on fire but my pants are to sassy. 8)
Oh how I love lying. They say my pants will catch on fire but my pants are to sassy. 8)
Reply
MrSassypants
| 32
Shit did I type that? Thanks Sirin!
By
cgall123
| 0
why would you tell someone that?
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2cacrawf
| 0
why not? he was just kidding around. I've had a boy friend try to convince me swallowing is healthy for your skin it keeps wrinkles away.
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MetalSparks138
| 0
cuz at first glance its funny then it spirals down into a deppressing void of death and anguish :D
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genesisnirvana
| 11
well is it healthy for the skin? lol
Reply
goshpeople
| 4
My impression was that he told her that in an effort to persuade her to let him (how to put this delicately...) finish on her face. "Hey, there are proven scientific benefits! It'll help with your acne problem!"
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cgall123
| 0
kidding... yea telling people putting cum on their face is hilarious
Reply
Voqab
| 3
u wanna find out for urself
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Voqab
| 3
dats for 45
By
darkness4dummies
| 0
what a bitch you should break up with her because she could do more stuff like that which could hurt you in the future and get you in trouble just sayin
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
or you could not make a dumb joke and set her up to get you back? it's funny and he deserves it
Reply
TigerArmy21
| 0
wtf
Reply
Struggs
| 2
Sheesh, lol. Calm down.
Reply
guitargoddess89
| 3
you probably don't have a boyfriend can't take a joke like that. guys joke like that all the time. lighten up a little will ya?
Reply
taticalnNinja
| 5
you maam have no common sense
Reply
corrinaswan
| 0
wow if I were a guy I would hate to be your boyfriend can you take a joke
Reply
shybear15
| 0
108... you are hot
Reply
iEatGuppies
| 0
wtf? that made no sense. wrong FML?
Reply
KiddNYC1O
| 20
Spare #12 guys, she's just 14.
Reply
cindayy77
| 0
Well I'm 14 and #12 is mindless to me :P I don't even think they read the FML correctly or something..
By
xdust
| 4
does it work?