FML : Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all...

246

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By fmylife7721 / Sunday 3 July 2011 05:51 / Canada

Intimacy

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Top comments

By JDFromSac | 0

#2814291 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:21

stop putting cum on your face then

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2814309 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:22

At least you can start your own business now. Proactiv 2: Ingredients Unknown.

Comments

By Bluesheep_fml | 4

#2814287 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:20

I suck :L

OMGIFOUNDWALDO | 6

#2814318 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:23

I think they're talking about masturbation here not blowjobs

jmtmxer | 0

#2814330 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:24

really ? first comment and you put that ? how original....

dolphincheddar | 10

#2814352 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:27

your girlfreind just owned your ass. I like her, you make a dumb comment and she got you. sucks to be you aha. and it doesn't kill acne so stop rubbing it on your face OP. however it does help whiten teeth.. for those of you who care

tpreston | 0

#2814359 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:28

stop rating on the first commenter we all know you're envy him

laurenv20 | 4

#2814397 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:34

well at least you don't have acne ..right? o.o

dolphincheddar | 10

#2814416 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:38

you got owned. and it doesn't help with acne but it does help whiten teeth and loosen plaque. my dentist told me this. he applies some to my teeth after every check up and he says once daily will make your teeth super white :)

genesisnirvana | 11

#2814501 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:53

i think its time to sue your dentist lol

flockz | 19

#2814503 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:53

ya my orthodontist once gave me sperm flavored rubber bands. it made all my food a little saltier.

OWNZ | 0

#2814507 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:54

Sure sounds like a STICKY situation! that was nasty...

KingGeorgeGal | 12

#2814544 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:01

Good joke gone bad.

tootsie5790 | 0

#2814599 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:13

Woah ! Now U Kno Who Nt To Joke Around With

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2814700 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:34

Look on the bright side, all of her friends will give blow jobs to you if they get a pimple!

dolphincheddar | 10

#2814769 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:48

why would I sue my dentist for whitening my teeth for free? it's a valid method. and hey, if you can't find any you could always use your own!

BaconDave | 12

#2815424 - Sunday 3 July 2011 09:10

Maybe he gets "facials"

genesisnirvana | 11

#2815466 - Sunday 3 July 2011 09:24

103- or i could always use yours. . . .

dolphincheddar | 10

#2815507 - Sunday 3 July 2011 09:37

sure 120 i have lots to go around

JokinglySerious | 0

#2815740 - Sunday 3 July 2011 10:57

WTF?!? I didn't know it does that?!?

WOTM | 0

#2816479 - Monday 4 July 2011 03:04

that's a little disturbing but cool, I do hope it's not his though

Jammy01jams | 2

#2816562 - Monday 4 July 2011 03:42

You all do realize someone has read all of this and did not get the joke... what this means is thy someone is now rubbing their own sperm on both their face and teeth... -_- Excellent... :D

dolphincheddar | 10

#2816711 - Monday 4 July 2011 04:51

it's nice right? very relaxing

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2817046 - Monday 4 July 2011 06:28

103- are u being serious about that ur dentist does that?...

senseisuncommon | 7

#2817304 - Monday 4 July 2011 08:01

...And she jokingly texted all her friends about your failed attempt to get a blowjob,right?

PageantGirlXOXO | 16

#2818103 - Monday 4 July 2011 10:45

208: are you seriously asking that?

cenax27 | 0

#2818276 - Monday 4 July 2011 11:55

that bitch should be introduced to the back hand, good ol 40's

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2818784 - Monday 4 July 2011 03:47

220- well the way she says it makes me believe it -.- and u never know might be some fucked up dentist out there

BaconDave | 12

#2819766 - Monday 4 July 2011 06:35

226 - No. There is no "fucked up dentist" who gives his customers facials.

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2821221 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 12:01

231- secret porn star dentist :L

BaconDave | 12

#2822517 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 06:57

Kinky, but no.

iluvboobies | 9

#2828334 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 02:59

What goes around, cums around.

By JDFromSac | 0

#2814291 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:21

stop putting cum on your face then

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2814464 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:46

It burns if it gets in your eyes though dude.

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2814491 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:50

Why didn't I think of that?

flockz | 19

#2814520 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:55

hey jesus u got a beard right? wouldnt it get stuck in that? cumbeard.

hook_em | 0

#2814538 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:00

it's ok guys I didn't think of that ever I still do the same thing. it does help really well with oily skin it clears them zits right up. it also has those scrubin beads that get into the pores for blackheads it does wonders ooooo

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2814568 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:05

Flockz, I'm Jesus. I found a way to keep my beard from getting sticky. I turn the jizz that touches my beard into shampoo.

flockz | 19

#2814638 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:17

i would love to tussle that beard.

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2814656 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:20

It's waiting for you man. And it's horny.

deathmetalkill | 3

#2814721 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:40

Carefull, your beard might get pink eye.

dolphincheddar | 10

#2815355 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:51

pinkeye is from getting bacteria from the anus in your eye, most commonly from someone sitting or farting on a pillow. also, last time I checked beards don't have eyes :/ maybe jesus' does tho

MrSassypants | 31

#2815481 - Sunday 3 July 2011 09:29

70 then how come you didn't find out about closing your eyes.

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2815484 - Sunday 3 July 2011 09:30

122-Because I was enjoying a nice Kids Cuisine at the time.

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2816036 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:14

Chuck Norris has a fist in his beard.

PsychoNinjaDuck | 0

#2816275 - Monday 4 July 2011 01:44

No, that's Chucks Norris. =]

TheRealBruce | 12

#2817623 - Monday 4 July 2011 08:53

um heyy 67 why does y'all have a picture of me as your picture and I'm sorry y'all I got off subject anyways this fml is just nasty!

hook_em | 0

#2819289 - Monday 4 July 2011 05:06

hey 216 why don't you come up with someone not in use I've had him for a while so your out of luck

englishhottiexx | 0

#2822386 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 05:41

Yeah OP can come on mine instead ;) haha

TheRealBruce | 12

#2822540 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 07:13

well 230 I have been on this site for a long time but I just finally verified this account and you please don't start anything cause I don't like to fight well I'm going to go cause jeffrey just got here

hook_em | 0

#2825496 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 05:31

ok 243 we already have the family guys personnel taken care of I'm on the thing where mr Herbert announced the official guys so have a nice day and please pick a new guy

TheRealBruce | 12

#2827619 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 11:39

I'm not going to fight with you I don't like to fight with y'all I've been here for a long long time and I'm more official than you I'm sorry you can pick a new account I'm sorry for the inconvenience thank you goodbye.

By hateplow | 3

#2814296 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:21

owned

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2815792 - Sunday 3 July 2011 11:17

should of told her regardless of how I got rid of mine, it's how we're going to get rid of your...

hexblot | 10

#2816120 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:48

"see? works wonders! your turn now..."

By kennyisboss | 0

#2814300 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

taytoc | 10

#2814356 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:28

that wasn't funny at all. that was more of an insult towards the person dating her aswell then

seanders | 10

#2814419 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:38

Yeah man, you tell her friends that she's anorexic!

hydef14 | 2

#2814456 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:44

and bipolar and secretly has aides

spacemanspiff78 | 7

#2814583 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:08

aides? like personal assistants?

mooshibear140 | 4

#2814605 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:13

47, it's AIDS, not aides.

By HeyMrsWest | 2

#2814302 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:21

Lmfao! Damn. Guess you have a story to tell now.

samanthanicolee | 0

#2814728 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:41

haha yeah that will be interesting when you try to explain it to other people

mahomie97 | 7

#2817943 - Monday 4 July 2011 09:50

AGREEED(:

By NomOnShroomz | 14

#2814304 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:22

pwned

yoimtrollin | 24

#2814361 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:28

well said.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2816364 - Monday 4 July 2011 02:21

This plan backfired on the OP.

grumpybarista | 0

#2818731 - Monday 4 July 2011 03:29

No, just owned. Stop using pwned wrong.

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2814309 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:22

At least you can start your own business now. Proactiv 2: Ingredients Unknown.

sourgirl101 | 21

#2814602 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:13

Will there be a market for that? I'm sure girls wouldn't have trouble getting that stuff for free.(:

sourgirl101 | 21

#2814628 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:16

Oops, I missed the ingredients "known" part. Very wise!

daBeast155 | 0

#2814633 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:17

the uggos will

MrSassypants | 31

#2815534 - Sunday 3 July 2011 09:46

Can I be your first customer? Or I can work for the company and help make it. I'll enjoy making it more than buying it. 8)

sourgirl101 | 21

#2815588 - Sunday 3 July 2011 10:00

Are you sure you want to work for that company? It sounds like hard work! *** I see you fixed your name.(:

iAmScrubs | 19

#2815629 - Sunday 3 July 2011 10:13

Our motto is "a little bit of excitement in every bottle". We are hiring now at 1-800-DirectSperm. The product is actually endorsed by Justin Bieber if you can believe it!

sourgirl101 | 21

#2815663 - Sunday 3 July 2011 10:25

I thought balls needed to drop in order to product sperm. Dammit! Now, I understand why my bottle only had peach fuzz ball sweat!

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2815688 - Sunday 3 July 2011 10:35

... Sometimes, only my picture can explain hiw I feel. Other times, it's the exact opposite. This is one of those times.

dolphincheddar | 10

#2815706 - Sunday 3 July 2011 10:41

u no gusta?

jewknowit710 | 2

#2815756 - Sunday 3 July 2011 11:06

not that bieber helps produce it but loves working it into his skin! and hands.. and well you get the picture.

Siji | 0

#2815772 - Sunday 3 July 2011 11:12

Sassy, how'd you change your name man? I'd like to know if it didn't involve making a new profile.

MrSassypants | 31

#2815963 - Sunday 3 July 2011 11:54

156 Sirin asked if I wanted it changed and she changed it. That's why I don't fuck with admin.

Sirin_fml | 46

#2815978 - Sunday 3 July 2011 11:59

Thanks for the crate of vodka and fine cigars, MrSassypants. Very considerate of you indeed.

MrSassypants | 31

#2816053 - Monday 4 July 2011 12:19

Sure and if you need help with drinking the vodka we would drink together! I promise if I get a little tipsy I will not under any circumstance take advantage of myself. Oh how I love lying. They say my pants will catch on fire but my pants are to sassy. 8)

MrSassypants | 31

#2816181 - Monday 4 July 2011 01:14

Shit did I type that? Thanks Sirin!

By cgall123 | 0

#2814316 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:22

why would you tell someone that?

2cacrawf | 0

#2814393 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:34

why not? he was just kidding around. I've had a boy friend try to convince me swallowing is healthy for your skin it keeps wrinkles away.

MetalSparks138 | 0

#2814403 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:36

cuz at first glance its funny then it spirals down into a deppressing void of death and anguish :D

genesisnirvana | 11

#2814448 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:44

well is it healthy for the skin? lol

goshpeople | 4

#2814573 - Sunday 3 July 2011 08:06

My impression was that he told her that in an effort to persuade her to let him (how to put this delicately...) finish on her face. "Hey, there are proven scientific benefits! It'll help with your acne problem!"

cgall123 | 0

#2815701 - Sunday 3 July 2011 10:39

kidding... yea telling people putting cum on their face is hilarious

Voqab | 3

#2822746 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 08:09

u wanna find out for urself

Voqab | 3

#2822760 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 08:11

dats for 45

By darkness4dummies | 0

#2814319 - Sunday 3 July 2011 07:23

what a bitch you should break up with her because she could do more stuff like that which could hurt you in the future and get you in trouble just sayin