By Acidic Donut - United States - Brookfield Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML I agree, your life sucks 55604 You deserved it 8924 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bethany - United States Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML I agree, your life sucks 46167 You deserved it 4366 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Youngsville Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML I agree, your life sucks 8448 You deserved it 24834 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New Bloomfield Good boy Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML I agree, your life sucks 26364 You deserved it 20992 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML I agree, your life sucks 32690 You deserved it 3041 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 12253 You deserved it 19758 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML I agree, your life sucks 27371 You deserved it 2023 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By No2ndDate - United States - Mount Pleasant Owl be there for you Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML I agree, your life sucks 7883 You deserved it 1524 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gymnasticscoach - United States Today, a kid I coach on a regular basis was talking to me about what I did outside of work. After we were done with the conversation, she told me with a straight face that I need to get a life and get a boyfriend. She's 10. And she's right. FML I agree, your life sucks 57864 You deserved it 9927 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clo_bo Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 1700 You deserved it 177 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML I agree, your life sucks 4523 You deserved it 277 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MoneyMoneyMoneyMonayMONAY - United States Today, I found a $10 bill on the ground. I got so excited and felt like I was the richest person alive. That was, until the wind blew it out of my hand, never to be seen again. FML I agree, your life sucks 28089 You deserved it 7874 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML I agree, your life sucks 40780 You deserved it 4565 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lukey101 - 17/12/2020 01:58 - Australia - Caboolture That took a dark turn… Today, I asked a colleague what part of town he was from. After explaining, he went on to say how much his wife loved the house and its location. That was of course until she died and soiled herself in their bed one night, which he didn't realise until the next morning. Sorry for asking. FML I agree, your life sucks 829 You deserved it 120 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stilljobless - United Kingdom Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML I agree, your life sucks 7065 You deserved it 39480 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FatRunner - New Zealand Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML I agree, your life sucks 40857 You deserved it 5254 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By larouche362 - United States - Weare Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I wouldn't make my senior quote, "I love my girlfriend more than anything." FML I agree, your life sucks 14834 You deserved it 1330 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I found out what unwashed, warty feet taste like after someone kicked me in the mouth with one. FML I agree, your life sucks 20173 You deserved it 1798 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Montgomery Village Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML I agree, your life sucks 49267 You deserved it 5384 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Netherlands - Herkenbosch Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML I agree, your life sucks 62295 You deserved it 6636 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By verbaltodomestic - United States - La Crosse Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML I agree, your life sucks 21887 You deserved it 110908 389 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New York Great start Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML I agree, your life sucks 1845 You deserved it 547 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML I agree, your life sucks 24607 You deserved it 2743 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imscrewed - Canada - Toronto Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML I agree, your life sucks 15185 You deserved it 85778 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By greg Today, my mother sued me for whiplash in a car accident that was her fault. She screamed to stop so I slammed on the brakes and the car behind ran into us. It wasn't an emergency; she just thought she saw her friend at the bus stop. It wasn't even her. FML I agree, your life sucks 5406 You deserved it 371 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By embarrassed - United States Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML I agree, your life sucks 28416 You deserved it 5341 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Romania Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML I agree, your life sucks 44264 You deserved it 3612 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Worthless Waste of Skin Who Hates Himself - Georgia - Tbilisi Today, I finally got the courage to talk to this coworker I like and ask her out for a coffee next door. She was dismissive, cold and rude, and filed a complaint with HR. FML I agree, your life sucks 14479 You deserved it 2204 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ZombieGirl0417 - United States - Jupiter Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML I agree, your life sucks 22116 You deserved it 4457 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Dr House Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML I agree, your life sucks 1118 You deserved it 303 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Scarred4Life - United States Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML I agree, your life sucks 32690 You deserved it 3487 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML I agree, your life sucks 49145 You deserved it 3672 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dudewheresmywheelschicago - United States - Danville Today, I had the most Chicago experience ever. While I was eating my delicious, deep dish pizza, someone was ripping the rims off my car 15 feet away. FML I agree, your life sucks 13577 You deserved it 1015 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CzechMeOut - United Kingdom Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML I agree, your life sucks 41336 You deserved it 3633 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dieders - United Kingdom Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML I agree, your life sucks 11727 You deserved it 1125 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous She definitely won though. Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML I agree, your life sucks 2545 You deserved it 750 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By loser Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML I agree, your life sucks 3615 You deserved it 613 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML I agree, your life sucks 28230 You deserved it 3158 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lameartist Today, I had just finished an elaborate charcoal drawing as part of a college application that took a good week. When I read over the requirements, I found out it needed to be done in graphite pencil. FML I agree, your life sucks 16527 You deserved it 37753 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML I agree, your life sucks 49681 You deserved it 3481 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML I agree, your life sucks 8831 You deserved it 65563 253 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cuppycakeslove | 20 #5560336 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:35 Put the booze back or else their behavior will be shittier! Send a private message 165 9 Reply
By deuceswild | 13 #5560339 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:36 On the bright side, you now have a lot of booze to yourself. Send a private message 133 10 Reply
By cuppycakeslove | 20 #5560336 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:35 Put the booze back or else their behavior will be shittier! Send a private message 165 9 Reply
Reply thatkidhesh | 11 #5560388 - Monday 1 July 2013 9:01 worth the try OP. drink up ;) Send a private message 12 7 Reply
Reply User57777 | 13 #5560949 - Monday 1 July 2013 18:51 Don't want them to be alcoholics now right? Send a private message 3 1 Reply
By deuceswild | 13 #5560339 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:36 On the bright side, you now have a lot of booze to yourself. Send a private message 133 10 Reply
Reply asdghjk | 7 #5560382 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:58 lmfao, win, FYL though OP:( Send a private message 3 27 Reply
By BadApple88 | 29 #5560340 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:36 Well at least now you know Send a private message 36 3 Reply
Reply SkyGuy32 | 17 #5561834 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 5:34 I feel bad for OP. My mom gets really pissed off at the smallest things. There's nothing really good to do about it. 0 0 Reply
By kee_breezy32 | 34 #5560341 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:36 at least you tried! Send a private message 11 6 Reply
By Ian7890 | 23 #5560346 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:38 did anyone else see this post twice? Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Reply XTheDesertSongX | 17 #5560352 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:39 I did. Send a private message 1 2 Reply
By fuckedPriceless | 17 #5560349 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:39 Give 'em the booze back. As long as they are hungover they will ignore you! Send a private message 11 9 Reply
By ironichalibut | 24 #5560351 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:39 I bet they were even bigger assholes after you hid their booze Send a private message 68 3 Reply
By greenfishbait | 19 #5560356 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:40 I wouldn't be too happy if you hid my stuff either. Send a private message 19 5 Reply
By mdcdeve | 10 #5560359 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:42 Hid their booze ? Oh my, if I did anything to my parents booze or fags they would kill me, literally. Send a private message 24 5 Reply
Reply 604 | 11 #5560360 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:44 For those confused by the usage of the word "fags", in England it means cigarettes. Send a private message 42 3 Reply
Reply ironichalibut | 24 #5560368 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:49 It also archaically means "a bundle of wood or sticks" Knowledge is power! Send a private message 30 1 Reply
Reply Epikouros | 31 #5560456 - Monday 1 July 2013 10:30 Well, I'm sure hiding your parents' hairdressers and interior decorators wouldn't make them happy, either. Send a private message 6 29 Reply
Reply SqueakyChipmunk | 20 #5560597 - Monday 1 July 2013 13:10 29 - Stop. Put down your electronics. Go sit in the corner. Think about that horrible statement you just made. Come back when you're less of a dick. Send a private message 20 4 Reply
Reply Neyuu | 18 #5560615 - Monday 1 July 2013 13:33 Who's confused? I thought that was common knowledge. Send a private message 4 6 Reply
Reply mattorama | 15 #5561054 - Monday 1 July 2013 19:26 No, they would not LITERALLY kill you. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Reply NagainaFier | 16 #5561079 - Monday 1 July 2013 19:34 38) Many people in America don't know that a fag = cigarette to the UK, since it's so predominantly used as a slur towards homosexuals over here. Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By xMay28 | 2 #5560365 - Monday 1 July 2013 8:47 Maby they just bought new booze, because you mentioned they drink to much, I know I would Send a private message 0 23 Reply
Reply dietbacon | 13 #5560496 - Monday 1 July 2013 11:03 if she had to get to the point of hiding their booze it's probably because they were unwilling to stop, right? Maybe they're addicted and if so would probably actually go buy some more. Send a private message 6 4 Reply
Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed... I agree, your life sucks 526 You deserved it 32 2 Comments
Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has... I agree, your life sucks 509 You deserved it 54 5 Comments