Intimacy: Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 99

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

20/06/2009 23:27

Spicy

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 278

You deserved it 5 987

Walk the line

Divorce impending

My eyes!

False alarm

By sillyrabbit - 24/02/2009 04:29

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said, "Hey" when he was next to me. He said, "The pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 356

You deserved it 46 339

Spy vs. Spy

By Anonymous - 30/09/2020 05:01

Today, I panicked when I realized two of my diaries were missing. I turned the house upside down, and found them in the guest room, tucked away in a dresser drawer. My only visitor in the last six months was my mom. I’m 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 140

25/05/2011 17:44

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 487

You deserved it 5 294

23/10/2010 23:14

Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 116

You deserved it 47 170

22/10/2009 05:53

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 081

You deserved it 3 472

03/02/2013 07:32

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 181

You deserved it 7 837

30/08/2012 06:05

Today, I had a planned 12-hour power cut for maintenance work, which I'd forgot all about. In need of a shower before work, I spent 45 minutes boiling pots of water on the stove to take a lukewarm, 6-inch deep bath, before realizing my water heater runs on natural gas and was working fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 019

You deserved it 29 631

15/12/2010 03:00

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 857

You deserved it 27 011

22/06/2015 11:35

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 377

You deserved it 4 111

24/11/2011 20:30

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 534

You deserved it 4 807

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 882

You deserved it 8 181

16/04/2015 02:41

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 721

You deserved it 3 117

23/11/2012 15:56

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 667

You deserved it 3 811

13/08/2019 18:01

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 342

17/06/2011 04:16

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 195

You deserved it 32 935

14/07/2009 02:25

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 430

You deserved it 15 458

14/04/2014 23:43

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 449

You deserved it 5 327

17/11/2009 04:05

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 923

You deserved it 2 137

31/07/2014 11:51

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 008

You deserved it 7 010

26/12/2009 21:45

Today, my mother informed me that I am not allowed to drive in snow. I live in Minnesota. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 258

You deserved it 2 940

05/03/2014 05:43

Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 276

You deserved it 3 628

22/01/2009 07:02

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 394

You deserved it 33 218

03/10/2015 04:14

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 866

You deserved it 1 526

03/05/2012 07:55

Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 255

You deserved it 2 589

25/01/2013 18:51

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 5 027

22/01/2012 06:10

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 664

You deserved it 7 195

10/09/2009 09:13

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 096

You deserved it 7 770

02/07/2019 12:07

Today, I had breakfast at a hotel in Jamaica. The bill came to $1087 Jamaican Dollars, which is roughly $8.30 USD. When they swiped my Visa card, the hotel accidentally charged me $1087 USD. That's the most expensive omelet I've had in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 145

06/12/2018 15:30

Today I picked my baby up from my babysitter's house. As I was getting him ready for bed, I saw blood and immediately went into a panic, rushing to the hospital and trying to contact her to see if my baby fell and she didn't tell me. Turns out it was just hot Cheeto dust mixed with drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 1 686

28/02/2009 11:10

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285 064

You deserved it 142 511

06/02/2010 18:22

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 396

You deserved it 2 513

10/05/2015 22:08

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 259

You deserved it 2 063

23/12/2009 18:56

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 071

You deserved it 2 480

03/12/2009 03:15

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 476

You deserved it 9 011

16/03/2015 14:36

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 484

You deserved it 4 198

02/01/2009 04:34

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 069

You deserved it 27 824

03/03/2010 16:46

Today, I went to the pharmacy and asked the very attractive pharmacist what to do about the terrible itching under my cast. She told me to be a man and deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 895

You deserved it 7 886

27/08/2010 00:19

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 870

You deserved it 43 577

19/09/2012 20:22

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 034

You deserved it 3 591

12/02/2012 08:07

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 401

You deserved it 4 178

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:31

Wow, that must suck. Maybe you could ask them to move? In a polite way?

Bigblackbunny 2

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:47

Who says it has to be in the hotel room? Go somewhere else.

Comments

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:31

Wow, that must suck. Maybe you could ask them to move? In a polite way?

MARIOHGALACKSIE 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:36

I agree, I don't understand why either you or your grandparents can't move...?

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:52

I don't understand why the hell they got that room in the FIRST place! Honestly, you should REALLY learn how to think these things through!

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Sunday 21 June 2009 11:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 21 June 2009 19:01

#1 is right, and no #65 - the room beside them can be empty you know..I mean if the grandparents move to another room

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Sunday 21 June 2009 23:40

You can't consummate the marriage until you're married, idiot. Anything before that is just plain ol' sex.

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 3:54

76: Well, gee, that's why he said AFTER his reception. ETA: I wish they would nest these comments lower than one level.

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 6:27

Sorry dude, but your the idiot this time. 76 wasn't replying to the OP, she was replying to 22. look closely before you comment

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Friday 26 June 2009 7:19

just change your reservation... if the hotel has at least two floors i'm sure they have another room you can switch to.

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Saturday 18 June 2011 22:21

97- *You're an idiot.

SomeBossOnHere 5

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Tuesday 3 January 2012 4:39

It's you're, as in "you're the idiot."

Fresh2death2021 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:35

i call second =)

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Sunday 21 June 2009 17:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:37

sucks for you agree with 1

Bigblackbunny 2

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:47

Who says it has to be in the hotel room? Go somewhere else.

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:48

You could move somewhere else. OR do it quietly, if possible :)

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 22 June 2009 7:46

It's certainly not like they would be shocked that you should be having sex on your wedding night. Sorry to bring up the image, but they did it too--like 70 years ago....

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:55

Ugh, that's horrible. FYL. and just for those who don't know. Consummate - to complete (the union of a marriage) by the first marital sexual intercourse.

CherishFlowers 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 9:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 21 June 2009 10:23

CherishFlowers, stfu.

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Sunday 21 June 2009 10:50

English is not my native language and I wasn't that sure what it meant indeed. You really think everyone here has a native understanding of the language? Wow.

Wittlestalker 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 17:35

Way to jump to conclusions! There were people who didn't understand what meant and she told them. Get over it. :/

i_luv_puppies 1

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Monday 22 June 2009 2:34

lots of people above you did dumbass!

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 6:20

Yeah dude, stufo and gtfo. Your opinions clearly aren't wanted

Already_Dead 15

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Wednesday 22 October 2014 1:15

Shut up #10. A lot of people did NOT know the word, and he/she was just trying to help. You don't have to be a bitch about it. Grow up, please.

TheMongoose333 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 10:08

Yo chill out #10. Have you read the commentson FML before? That questions probably going to come up a few more times, even with her defining it.

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Sunday 21 June 2009 10:12

Yo wat dos consumate meen? I joke, I joke.

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Sunday 21 June 2009 10:18

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