Health: Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30...

By shitty day - 30/11/2011 10:53 - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 186

You deserved it 2 429

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Walk, don't run

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 03:00 - Finland

Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 23/02/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 637

You deserved it 5 936

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 653

You deserved it 3 978

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 21:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 012

You deserved it 5 391

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 765

You deserved it 6 742

Leaked internals

By Poopy pants - 12/06/2023 12:00

Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 06/06/2015 04:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 2 185

By TheHeirofTime - 15/08/2016 15:11 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 251

You deserved it 1 730

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 178

You deserved it 4 208

xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7

Wednesday 30 November 2011 16:04

Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can

Fruit_Dealer 9

Wednesday 30 November 2011 16:05

I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.

Comments

BiggChieff14 1

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:04

Haaah!Were a Big Old Persons Diaper, and Let Everything. Flow outta Your Ass. BAHAHA.

ikickgingers 15

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:11

Wow. What An Awesome Suggestion. :/

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:54

*inputs comment into Idiot-English Translation Engine* *whirr* *click* *bzzzzzz* *DING!* "Haha! Wear an old person's diaper and let everything flow out of your ass. I use capital letters and random punctuation unnecessarily! Haha!" Much better.

ikickgingers 15

Thursday 1 December 2011 0:26

Have you read 33's profile? No? How about you choke on a bowl of dicks, bro.

ikickgingers 15

Thursday 1 December 2011 0:35

Unless you were calling 33 a fucktard which after I commented I realized you were. You may ignore the bowl of dicks comment, Sir.

kimmeyrolle 4

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:11

Wear an adult dapper

graham11 14

Thursday 1 December 2011 4:54

Dapper? Where's that sold?

laxmtl28 6

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:14

putt a cork in it problem solved bro

AttitudeMel 4

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:21

dont need to go to a doctor for a stomach flu...

nelliednt 6

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:21

The doc can't do much for the flu anyhow since its a virus take some pepto and wait it out. That's as good as it gets

Courtney_Sanders 6

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:22

Does your doctor do house calls? You should probably check. Otherwise you might just have to wear some depends.

leadman1989 15

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:27

Where's doc when you need him?

ayooBrandon 12

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:36

Just stay in the bathroom, no ?

unagi_fml 9

Wednesday 30 November 2011 17:40

Just add a pinch of salt to every cup of water you drink to stop yourself from dehydrating-- that's pretty much what your doc will prescribe anyway.

BlackBlazeCobra 16

Wednesday 30 November 2011 22:28

No, salt makes you thirstier and just makes you drink more.

yourlifesfucked 0

Friday 2 December 2011 5:25

The salt is to replenish electrolytes lost from the diarrhea to prevent dehydration. Sodium helps your body retain water. Drinking a lot of water without replenishing electrolytes isn't going to help your situation, in fact that's how people die of water toxicity. Look it up.