Health: Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30...

By shitty day - 30/11/2011 10:53 - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 186

You deserved it 2 429

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Same thing different taste

Walk, don't run

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 03:00 - Finland

Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 23/02/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 637

You deserved it 5 936

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 653

You deserved it 3 978

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 21:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 012

You deserved it 5 391

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 765

You deserved it 6 742

Leaked internals

By Poopy pants - 12/06/2023 12:00

Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 06/06/2015 04:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 2 185

By TheHeirofTime - 15/08/2016 15:11 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 251

You deserved it 1 730

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 178

You deserved it 4 208

xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7

Wednesday 30 November 2011 16:04

Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can

Fruit_Dealer 9

Wednesday 30 November 2011 16:05

I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.

Comments

Okayitwasme 0

Thursday 1 December 2011 4:29

Starve a bug, nurse a flu! Don't eat anything with sugar or that will turn into sugar. Rice crackers and DIET ginger ale. Diet because there is no sugar. Don't go to the dr unless you are crapping blood! Or if you have the craps for more than 3 days!

nastyness 0

Thursday 1 December 2011 5:55

Brat diet. Bananas, rice, apples and toast. Pedialyte works, but it tastes like sweat..feel better!

ally726 2

Thursday 1 December 2011 6:00

Shot of apple cider vinegar! Little gross but works!

takrushi 4

Thursday 1 December 2011 10:06

Shitiest. Game. Show. Ever. Pun is so intended.

LoveMay 10

Thursday 1 December 2011 11:13

You could call a doctor to house

DrMaverickRanger 4

Thursday 1 December 2011 17:10

I get pretty pissed with people who come into the ER (especially at crazy hours of the night) with nothing more than the flu or a tummy bug. OP - all you need is immodium, and to drink lots of water (and rehydration solution after each loose stool). If the diarrhea is persisting for more than a few days, has blood in it, you begin to vomit and can no longer tolerate fluids, or you develop a high fever or evidence of severe dehydration (cool hands and feet with weak pulses, infrequent passing if concentrated urine, drowsiness or fits), you should go to the doctor, but otherwise ride it out, it should be better in a day or so.