Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought... - FML

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 307

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 762

You deserved it 1 184

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 853

You deserved it 267

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 392

You deserved it 3 877

By N O - 27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 387

You deserved it 6 967

When pranking goes too far

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:01

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 196

OK Tyler Durden

By Anonymous - 13/06/2012 20:38 - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 896

You deserved it 2 551

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 130

You deserved it 5 139

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 461

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 135

Help me

By Backed up - 21/11/2019 08:00 - United States

Today, I had the privilege of looking into my husband's eyes and uttering one of the sexiest phrases in the English language, "I need a suppository." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 268

Next

Top comments

honestjane 22

Sunday 4 August 2019 7:31

To be honest, that is pretty funny. But they probably would have come off with a warm bath.

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 4 August 2019 7:26

Did he attach them while flaccid or erect? Either would hurt when there's a change in state. Lol!

Comments

ViviMage 39

Sunday 4 August 2019 6:11

It'll fall off in a few days! The dick or the Googly eyes, I'm not sure!

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 4 August 2019 7:26

Did he attach them while flaccid or erect? Either would hurt when there's a change in state. Lol!

merican_redneck4 11

Monday 5 August 2019 18:33

It would hurt much less with erect to flaccid

honestjane 22

Sunday 4 August 2019 7:31

To be honest, that is pretty funny. But they probably would have come off with a warm bath.

alycion 38

Sunday 4 August 2019 10:21

It was. Especially to those who treated him. That’s a holiday dinner story for years to come.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 4 August 2019 11:22

It is funny!! Why did you have to go to the hospital? I guess it’s the one place you can show strangers the hilarious googly-eyed dick without getting arrested.

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 4 August 2019 11:31

Googly Eyes make everything better!

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 4 August 2019 20:58

I’m imagining bacon with googly eyes. That’s what perfection looks/tastes like!

Lora Wood 11

Sunday 4 August 2019 12:56

You will babysit him for the duration of the marriage.

Emiweb 9

Sunday 4 August 2019 13:20

Well, he wasn't wrong...

oldtimer 3

Sunday 4 August 2019 18:08

You didn’t have to do anything, they would fall off eventually. Or you could’ve used nail polish remover to get them off. If you went to the emergency room you’re going to get a BIG bill.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 4 August 2019 18:44

His audience would have been significantly higher than expected, but I guarantee everyone laughed. And so will others who find out in the future. Like me.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 856

You deserved it 6 631

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 540

You deserved it 51 165

The Top

Today, I had a great leg workout at the gym. Instead of doing my cool down exercise at the end, I decided I wanted to do something more adventurous, like box jumps on one of those metal stools at the gym. Well, it turns out my body wasn’t ready for that. Now my shin is busted and swollen. This is my second week training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 1 053

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 087

You deserved it 15 611

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 603

You deserved it 16 491

Today, after my grandad died suddenly last week, we were cleaning out his house and found a full on sex dungeon, with pictures of him and nana going back 50 years. My siblings are all chicken shits, so I have to deal with that room by myself. Rubber gloves and a therapist required please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 812

Today, I went to drop my little brother off at the nursery. As I walked in, a boy punched me in the dick and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 400

You deserved it 290

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 350

You deserved it 22 598