Love: Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Spicy

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 121

You deserved it 7 822

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 480

You deserved it 7 369

By countryblumpkin - 01/08/2013 18:06 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 067

You deserved it 7 161

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 230

You deserved it 8 479

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 631

You deserved it 54 163

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 113

You deserved it 4 851

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 406

You deserved it 6 880

We need to talk

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Foam Lake

Spicy

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 617

You deserved it 2 957

Mr Clean

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 10:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 244

You deserved it 7 592

Are you OK?

By FUCKING IDIOT - 09/11/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 763

So generous

By noway - 10/08/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 152

You deserved it 7 101

Next

Top comments

Jasim 17

Sunday 11 January 2015 19:18

That's one hell of a bargain.

gerardwhy 21

Sunday 11 January 2015 19:17

But did he bring the toilet paper?

Comments

revidffum69 22

Monday 12 January 2015 3:39

You could have used his towel.

djstiv3 15

Monday 12 January 2015 3:53

seems fair. you probably give him shit all the time lol he could, pay you back by just giving the TP, but he probably feels he needs to top you by gettin something extra for the inconveniance.

cookie1207 19

Monday 12 January 2015 4:04

This just gave me a perfect idea! Ill go hide all the TP in the bathroom!

LPisLame 16

Monday 12 January 2015 4:05

? word?? That's petty as shit.

Tonisha1989 11

Monday 12 January 2015 4:10

I would have said as long as I can fake it without feeling guilty next time we have sex.

birdeye1524 12

Monday 12 January 2015 4:27

He's probably going to start stealing the toilet paper for more blow jobs now. I'd come up with new terms unless you become very okay with carpet burn on your knees.

ebadams311 10

Monday 12 January 2015 5:05

me and my husband have had the same exact fight...swear

mrscole2014 1

Monday 12 January 2015 5:18

my husband would do the same thing!

Kevin1157 10

Monday 12 January 2015 5:27

Well played sir. OP, does your husband teach classes? If so, how much?

shaynacaves 15

Monday 12 January 2015 5:44

This sounds like a beautiful relationship you guys have!

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The Top

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 886

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 197

The Top

Today, the gas company came to connect our stove for free. While here, they broke our hot water heater, shut it off, and issued us a hazard notice. We can fix it, but they won't be able to come back for another two weeks to turn the gas back on. We don't have any hot water until then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 561

You deserved it 1 773

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 930

You deserved it 15 618

Today, my roommate informed me that I need to move out, due to me having sex with his boyfriend. Even though he gave us permission, and told us to use protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 1 227

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 906

You deserved it 15 667

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 167

You deserved it 5 858

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 510

You deserved it 1 985