Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
Why 2 hours later? Did you need time for your erection to go down?
frozenfreeze 5
It could have been worse. You could have had to pee while 130 guys were watching you.
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Comments (87)
Fylminesawsome 5
Overtime! KA-CHING!
sprints54 19
In the army
greeneye_fml 12
That's weird. I took a pee drug test at the FBI when I applied to work there and they left me in the room alone, they just made sure to mark the time it took to finish and that we had nothing in our pockets or shoes before we went in.
krisanda 5
You must be in the military!
mkcherry 14
Sounds like you're military. My sister once had to administer gonorrhea test to entire ship of sailors because so many guys came back from cruise with it that it was deemed "endemic". Nothing like having to go through lines of guys pushing q.tips into their urethras. It would have been much more ethical professional and decent to have a male do it, but every solider had to be tested and there weren't enough male medical staff. I just wanted to share that because at least you didnt have to touch them OP.
lemonturps 5
are you into that tho , some people like the 'pee' thing
QuaDECH 13
You sound pissed off.