Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
Why 2 hours later? Did you need time for your erection to go down?
frozenfreeze 5
It could have been worse. You could have had to pee while 130 guys were watching you.
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Comments (87)
reggicm 0
I had to pee in front of someone for my military physical...trust me, it's not fun for the other people either.
jlperry31 10
how did u get that job. I would love to watch men take a Piss. I bet u only got to stand behind didn't u. not really watch them p
jlperry31 10
usually at a piss test u don't actually watch them in the front side to p. unless ur on drug watch or maybe at cause they can do what they want to u. I want to watch guys Pisa. where do I sign up
BeachSurfer94 0
hahaha see it's funny because I was one of the guys pissing in the cup
jerzboi13 0
ur all dumb he's prally in the army, meat gazing is part of being a nco
Got_any_grapes1 4
Not to be a grammar freak, but it is "I and two others got to...." You wouldn't say "me got to..." You are welcome for your mini lesson of the day (:
tacoman007 2
I hate to interrupt the lesson, but I always comes after the other subjects used in the sentence. So, really, you're sentence should look like, "two others and I got to..." If you're going to be a douche at least act like you know what you're talking about.
jessranga 0
I'm a mine site nurse and I drug test for a living. start complaining when a 400 pound man throws a cup full of urine at you because he showed up positive for crack.
richcranium 0
sounds like military you had a hundred percent test and you had to be **** watch that sucks for you
Magnimus 4
I would tell my boss that if he wants me to watch a bunch of ppl pissing, I quit, bcause that's not in my fraking job description. And he can shove that job where the sun don't shine.
milerrrs_xoxo 0
At least you didn't have to do it alone, you had two others