Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
24788 7
Who put those condoms in my wallet?
imintheair 0
ydi, for not listening to your high school sex ed teacher when they told you that keeping condoms in your wallet can cause them to be exposed to higher temperatures and/or weird conditions that affect their effectiveness.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (140)
shyfishy 0
what happended after 0.0
Tehalon 0
I carry a familypack in my backpack, you never know when u'll need em and how long you'll be away from home! ;D Besides, everyone (who's normal!) from the age of 15 or so has one of two condoms in their wallet so whats the problem.
harlehatschi 0
agree with #6 and #10
24788 7
#22, I've never had a condom in my wallet before. Why don't you just wear a condom all the time? I mean even if it falls off it's still as effective as the one you keep in your wallet. Condoms get damaged in wallets and become 100% non-effective over time. You can keep them in your wallet, but why risk it if you don't want to get someone pregnant? You should just keep them in a good spot (car or dresser).
Stiggy626 25
yeah in a car that constantly changes temperature....
soiree_fml 0
ydi for keeping condoms in your wallet. everyone knows that destroys them!
hk_fml 9
Smooth D:
NeverLetHerGo 0
LMFAO. You were already prepared for sex, but when it came to the pay check, sex was first up in line. :] Haha. Your walet was one step ahead of the game.
Subtext 10
You already deserved it for keeping condoms in your wallet...everybody should know that this is not the right place where to put them...
Helinacoustic 0
Sex ed fail. Wallet condoms=babies.
wink568 0
One condom, I could understand, and they probably would be able to laugh it off. Three makes you look sex crazed. And as everybody else is pointing out... condoms in the wallet is a bad idea. It makes them less effective. You must have a huge wallet. I had a friend who kept a condom in his wallet, and now you can see the imprint of where that condom was in the leather, and that was just one.