Miscellaneous: Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be...

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 058

You deserved it 109 665

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/07/2012 04:55 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 851

You deserved it 80 945

Gimme a break

By anon - 04/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 17/04/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 880

You deserved it 388

By ThinZ - 24/12/2011 00:26 - United States

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 464

You deserved it 3 874

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 2 896

Hey how are you?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2014 21:08 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 789

You deserved it 4 252

Stay out of my life

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 201

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 3 476

Damned if you do…

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 10:00

Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 345

You deserved it 41 557

About3goats 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:02

Dick

kpacek330 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:04

asshole. did you really think you'd get sympathy by posting this?

Comments

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

Monday 21 February 2011 4:43

it's quite obvious that OP is lame and to make him cool he makes a lil joke and his wife does too so no harm so stop ******* being asshole to OP no offense about being lame OP

droplets 0

Monday 21 February 2011 4:45

You're the kind of asshole that makes women pick sperm donors over husbands. YDI for being a massive chode.

annasakki 0

Monday 21 February 2011 4:46

Your a disgusting fat slob

phenx84 1

Monday 21 February 2011 4:48

Dip. Shit.

stevenmx86 7

Monday 21 February 2011 4:52

Also, your wife sounds about as mature as you... I don't quite get her response but it appears to be a lame attempt at a your mom joke...

suckit515 0

Monday 21 February 2011 4:59

Sounds like you wife needs to learn how to shut her mouth and obey... ... and just like the op, I'm kidding.

tjsomethin 9

Monday 21 February 2011 5:08

Don't you mean husband? Also, YDI.

sillyrob 4

Monday 21 February 2011 5:11

The question is not how you're married, its why? She obviously doesn't know the gender roles that nature itself put on all animals, so you need a more obedient wife.