Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML
Today, after an argument, my wife goes out to cook her curly fries in our airfryer. The thing beeps after 15 minutes; my wife goes out and announces, "Oh that's great." "What's up babes?" says I. "I put the fries in the wrong compartment. It's all your fault, you wound me up earlier." she says. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML
Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
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Top comments
influenza54 1
Tooo bad it wasn't an iron skillet. LOL he deserves it
IdolChatter 0
Yeah, his command was an act of genius & worked out so well didn't it. He's lucky she didn't come back with a butcher's knife.
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Comments (394)
strata8 0
#251: Stop it with the double standards. Would you call a woman sexist if she told a man to go back to the TV/living room/
Averageman 0
she should have come back with sandwiches instead!
strata8 0
Actually, I didn't post the whole comment, because I hit the 'Save' button whilst halfway through typing it (I'm posting from my iPod) :P I see what you mean - but I find that sometimes the common stereotype for men is that they are lazy, untidy, etc (though this is sometimes true), and do nothing useful apart from working, and then watching TV and/or drinking beer. I hadn't really thought about the 'work' reference (in regards to the women/kitchen), but it makes sense.
VictoriaLoveless 0
haha FAIL!
SoulessOne 0
lol someone apparently visits 4chan too much FAIL
deathproof_fml 0
YDI, sexist cuntbag.
chrisssss_fml 0
Hahaha.
joHnnycsU 0
sexism fail...tsktsktsk.
strawberryspacejam 11
He's not sexist. I like him. I argued with my girlfriend, and I hit her with my Strat, cut her with my switchknife, smashed her over the head with a glass plate, and finally threw her into my windshield(it didn't break). She was in the hospital for 8 weeks, and I was in jail for 14 days due to domestic violence of the 1st degree. Follow in my footsteps.
RatIsKing 0
great way to end an argument genius. "go back to the kitchen" is real forceful @.@
Sprinter136 2
#267 Jesus CHRIST, men talk about us women not being able to control our tempers and hormones? ******* use words to settle an argument, not violence and anger like a god damn animal. Animals use violence and anger to handle things because they can't use words, and they're unintelligent. Humans have the ability to use words and compose intelligent thoughts. Show that you've evolved and use your ******* brain if you have one. And I agree, 14 days for an assault of that severity? But then again, it doesn't really surprise me. These days, murder, the most unimaginable crime in my opinion, carries at least 15 years. Someone who kills should always spend the rest of their lives in prison, unless it was self defense.
fudrick 0
Lol #270 got trolled hard.
strawberryspacejam 11
Wow. Thats some colorful language you got there. I think you were godfucking abandoned at birth, bought for 10 cents, and thrown into a box. I hope the hobo who did this o you threw his shit in your ******* face, cause that's what you deserve. Do you think I give a **** what I did? Stupid ****, I agree with the stereotype that women are stupid at everything. Go to the ******* kitchen shitface. that's where bitches like you belong, dumbfuck
mike1921 0
This is why FML posts need a report button
brilliantbarbie 0
its called the "moderate" button