Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML
Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML
Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
wvni 13
So your dad's issue with you is that he caused your mom to give birth to you? Alrighty then, that's a thing. Hope your back gets better soon OP.
MzZombicidal 36
This FML just makes me sad :(
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
elcharlitos 8
Hey you got shot, next time it won't be as bad..... See bad dad not so bad OP.
184886837272837 32
What?
fuckercakes 21
I'm generally confused
Arcanel 18
sooo.... do you think before you speak or just throw words out there hoping that it makes some type of sense?
23lf 16
By that logic, If I get punched in the face, next time it won't hurt as much? Tell that to professional boxers.
BSnapZ 21
#16 were you meant to say "genuinely"? That would make a lot more sense than "generally". Unless you're confused pretty much all the time...
amyfann 26
What an immature douche. You didn't ask to be born. Sorry OP. Is he always like that?
iSativa 24
Tell him his pullout game is weak.
xThatOneWeirdGuy 18
Shouldn't he be shooting himself in his manhood?
albertozeta_fml 9
You had to answer him: "Dad, I'm sorry to be here but it's more your fault that mine"
albertozeta_fml 9
"than" mine. Sorry for the mistake.
soulreaper12296 28
Your dad sounds like the biggest A-hole ever.
Peter_Ohnigian 14
I hope he doesn't get angry at you when that wood starts rotting from the water
Jae_Hellyun 17
Your dad is a dick...period
18rhunt 16
I could understand if it was your mom, but your dads just an idiot
Arcanel 18
You're dad sounds like a pretty laid back dude..... just kidding OP he violated you that must of sucked. I suggest pranking him in a sort of way that he doesn't know it's you, but you still get the satisfaction knowing it was you !